ACE Files

THERE IS A TIME FOR WAITING AND A TIME FOR DOING

2012-01-02T15:36:00.000+08:00

I am one of the many who can't wait for the holidays. But I realized, when it's happening already, I forgot a few things. As a planner by profession, I was actually processing my excellence. Okay, so this ain't the first time I felt unprepared for an occasion. I just might come up with a long list of "should've have's" for one event to another. As I was welcoming the year 2012, I had to admit I was contemplating and anticipating too much in the past that I forgot to be in that "moment" on most occasions.

There is a time for waiting.
I am a woman of action. I am not a big fan of press releasing the things I've done and the things I intend to do. And quite frankly, I think that's a waste of time. Time is valuable for me and so I hate to wait. The people I wait for more than 5 minutes before I get irate are either people I'm trying to impress or very important to me. My 13 years of marriage to a very loving and patient man helps a lot in teaching me to wait; to wait patiently if I might add. And it just dawned on me that waiting in not that bad at all.

There is a time for doing.
Right now, I'm faced with a struggle. Every part of me wants to act. But something in me tells me that what I need to do right now is to do nothing. It's kind of weird and ironic. Doing nothing is not my kind of thing. But for now, I surrender to that.

FROM HEARTACHE TO HOPE

2011-12-26T07:03:00.000+08:00

I was scolding myself in my head for complaining being away from my husband for two Christmases now, and I realized how shallow it was compared to what happened to the victims of Typhoon Sendong. And just as I was pacifying myself of the sadness I was feeling...It finally dawned on me, I was faced with another sad truth...death of a very close relative, Tita Vivian. It was sudden and unexpected. And I feel like Tita Vivian has some unfinished business.There were no formal goodbyes nor premonitions, she just left.

I'm not gonna make up any stories on this blog. I wasn't her favorite niece as she wasn't my favorite Aunt. There were lots of unresolved issues between her family and mine. Over the years there had been as many relapses as attempts at recovery for our relationship. Each time, there was the promise of a different approach, a more mature way to handle misunderstandings, a new hope and the teary proclamation that things will be better. The relationship started stalling out as we stopped communicating that much after my grandma died, to "being civil" and then to ground zero.

Now, all of this came crashing down around me as I fear that there may be sadly nothing left for her family and mine, and that even starting anew might now be tattered to shreds, now that she is gone.

But my heart says otherwise. This I'm quite sure, I do not harbor any grudges and will continue to pray for her and her family's well being; I realized that life is indeed short. And that it wouldn't hurt to do something nice to people we have hated in one way or another. I am glad that I got to kiss her the last time we saw each other a few weeks back.

TO ERR IS HUMAN

2011-12-22T13:12:00.000+08:00

I could only think of one word. FOCUS. But so far it doesn't seem to do its magic this time. To be more specific, I can't hide how disappointed I am with someone who told me that he needs to focus, and for him to achieve that, I would need to play the evil bitch. I would be the villain in his story. Every inch of me resent that. But it's his movie, I don't even get to see what's gonna happen next. I was just tagged as the wicked one as he shuts down everything on me. No explanations. No nothing. And this is the same friend who talked about having high regards for me. Who respected me since who knows when. And it's annoyingly funny that when he couldn't talk his way out of a minor misunderstanding, he just pulled someone nearby to take the bullet for him. I happen to be nearby. Don't get me wrong. This wimp is a friend and I would gladly take the bullet for my friends or maybe even for people who can't protect themselves. But what's hard for me to fathom is to let my friends lie for me. More so just to save my butt. Honesty may not always be the best policy for some. But it is my policy. I could be many things but there are certain things that I hold sacred and non-negotiable.

It's been a while. And I blog only when there's something of value to share or when I need an outlet. But for this blog, Im not sure. It's been some time now that I would wake up in the middle of the night...no nightmares, no bad dreams, heck not even peeing. I just automatically open my eyes. And then I start thinking about things, causing me to go into a tailspin, right into unhappiness. And no matter how many seminars I have facilitated about making better choices, I still find myself asking if the outer circumstances dictate how we are to feel. I get frustrated too, that sometimes I would tell myself that the outer seems real enough. So real that it bites and sometimes gives me a whack on the face. It is a struggle to pushback that thought and hold on to the truth that what created that outer is our inner. I am strong inside out. I am certain that consciousness is cause. I am aware as I am human at the same time. That's what I am dealing with right now...that tendency to just surrender to making mistakes because I'm human.

What Am I thankful for?

2011-11-24T08:37:00.001+08:00

Today is Thanksgiving. And the farthest I've seen this celebration is via American films. When it comes to celebration, I love partying with Americans. They just know how to party hard. But hang on a second, Thanksgiving's not just for the Americans right? I mean, people got things to be thankful for...

For today, I would like to list down the things that I want to be thankful for:

I am thankful for who I am today. I'm not perfect. I'm still wishing to be someone else at the back of my head once in a while. I'm no angel. But I'm thankful that I've got the 'bad stuff' in the right places.

I am thankful for the things I have. I could be better than most, but I want more. I am not worried, why should I? When my God does not participate in a recession or any economic crisis? I am thankful to know that when I step out to accomplish God's plan, He is there to meet me and help me every step of the way. I need to step out. He won't direct a stationary object. God will only direct someone who is moving.

I am thankful for my husband. Because of him, I got new set of caring parents and 2 wonderful sisters. Well, people would still hear him tell stories about my tantrums like how I left our car in the middle of an intersection and threw the car keys away or how I scissored up his clothes and threw it over our neighbors' lawn (yup i like throwing things when I'm mad)...but he never gave up on me. At my worst, he was and he is this someone would stand up and say - she's just in that phase in her life, she'll come around. I might complain that there is no romantic bone in his body, but my husband brings out all the goodness in me. And for that, I am forever thankful.

I am thankful for my family. I have parents who fight a lot. In the old days, a classic example is electric fan flying across the room...that's an all time funny story for me and my siblings. And now the fighting is digital as well...they do it on FB...It could be annoying most of the time really...But I am thankful because amidst their fighting, they were able to bring 5 people to this world who's contributing good things to the society. Which brings me to the next thing I am thankful for...

I am thankful for my siblings. They are so loving that there won't be any moment in my life that I would hesitate to be there for them. I am the best eldest sister because of them. They are supportive and my responsibilities in the family is not complicated because of my two sisters and my two brothers.

I am thankful for my friends. I do have lots of friends. Of course the friendships' of different degree and levels. And my schedule's always toxic that I cant get to see anyone on a regular basis. But the good thing is, it doesn't compromise the value of the friendship. I am so blessed because of my POWER friends, the vixens, my MES buddies, Bri, Adette, Helena and my AM shift family, Rose and Barang...Wow...I think I'm gonna make some friends blackmail me for not mentioning their names haha, but no worries because I am sure they love me just the same.

Last, and I could say at some point, the least, I am thankful for my adversaries. I'm not saying I'm here to love them, I'm not that noble yet. But I am thankful for the pain, for the hurt, for the sleepless nights, for the anger. It made me realize, I am greater than the pain, than the hurt, than the anger. They could be optional in my life. However I am thankful for that opportunity to see that though life is not perfect, we have better choices.

So there you go...the things that I am thankful for...Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm listening...Yes I am...

2011-09-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a day of listening for me.

In the morning, I listened to my brother's plan for the next few weeks. Then I listened to manang's revelation about her brother who was once a government rebel... I was never the listening type of person. I am usually the one doing all the talking. But lately, I just keep on finding myself listening to people. For some time now, I have had this daily goal of "Who will I listen to more carefully and intently today?”

Ironically, I like every moment I spend in listening to people. I see that people feel good about themselves when someone would sit and shut up and listen to them for at least half an hour. I remember a few years back, I couldn't stand listening for 5 minutes. I would literally interrupt people and monopolize every conversation. I guess I got tired or finally I am more aware and sensitive about other people's feelings.

Yesterday, I spent almost two hours listening to a stranger who talked about his life. I listened. He talked about about being a husband and being a father and how he would love to travel in the coming days. Being the highly kinesthetic that I am, I felt his happiness, loneliness and hopefulness. I didn't do anything, I just listened. He thanked me and firmly shook my hands as we parted ways and said I could always come to his office for any assistance in Mandaluyong City Hall. After that, I got to see my old buddies from Makati for our Elementary Batch get together. I was able to listen to a lot of stories too.

I love listening. Listening provides me with many opportunities. And even though there was an incident lately that I got into a mess simply because I listened. It wont stop me from listening. I think a lot of people out there would need someone who would listen to them...

The BEST things in life are DEFINITELY FREE!

2011-09-13T14:53:00.001+08:00

Though my initial plan of extending my Macau vacation didn't work out, I am still ecstatic about this trip. Well, I almost bailed out from it because of funding but I simply followed my heart and went on with it - budget constraint. Besides, with or without money, I simply love traveling.

So off I went to Macau with my two good friends. The CebPac flight was delayed as usual, not complaining because I practically breezed through immigration with only coins jingling in my pocket. It was a bit hot on the plane but it was hotter when we set foot on the island of Macau. After a bus ride from the airport, we spent more than two hours looking for our hotel. We were tired, hungry and lost. None of us could complain because we were all tourists. Good thing we could hear a lot of Pinoys talking in Tagalog, we were able to ask for directions. In spite of the assistance in directions, we never found our hotel. Finally, two angels were sent to us to help us not only to find accommodations but saved us a lot of money as well.

Php500 for a 2-day bed space in Macau is not bad at all. Who's going to sleep in Macau anyway? The place was not grand, but it was presentable and very near San Ma Lo and a lot of establishments. For me, it was a perfect place to be.

First night in Macau, we were on the streets til 5 in the morning. I was already up at 8am but I had to practically drag my two companions out of bed by 10am. We were out and ready to see Macau by 11am. By 11:15am, we were about to get lost again, so we decided to ring one of the Filipinos who helped us the night before - Dickyam.

Then the fun began! Free bus rides. We went hotel and casino hopping. Amazing views. I was blown away with the shows and infrastructure. Instant casino membership cards. Free souvenirs. Free flowing coffee, tea, soda and distilled water. We didn't get thirsty nor tired the whole day. I actually had to suggest to my buddies for us to have a break and to change outfit since we have lots and lots of pictures wearing the same clothes, hehe.

What I noticed in Macau, the later it gets, the more I wanted to go out. For some reason, the more drawn I become to the bright lights of the city. Well, I am a morning person so as much as possible, I don't like sleeping late.So I would say, this is a first. I simply realized, Macau's a rich country because their businesses are vices. Which reminds me, I also got to have a glimpse of women engaged in the "oldest profession", and boy, they are gorgeous! It's just sad that they are "for lease" and an expensive lease if I might add. And then I heard from some Pinoys there that drugs are also rampant especially in clubs, well, I wouldn't really know, we didn't go clubbing.

And of course, even with the budget constraint, we still got to go shopping for our loved ones in the Philippines. I wasn't very much in the mood actually, because I got informed of some issues from Manila that needed my attention. It was actually petty but I still felt it should be dealt with accordingly. I'm just glad, that only the shopping got affected and not the entire trip.

And of course, the most important part of the trip...FOOD!!! I got to taste some unusual stuff like the McDo breakfast meal(before you laugh, it really is unusual, check the pic, hihihihi), then there's this jelly fish dish (I took just one bite), then there's this soup sold on a cart along the street (yes, I braved eating street food in a foreign land) and of course we found ourselves eating Pinoy food as well.

There's so much to tell about this trip but all the sleeplessness and tiredness from walking are just sinking in right now. My brain's not yet working normally. Well, the good thing is, I still talk really well even though my brain's malfunctioning. So if you didn't get much from this blog...all you got to do is holler! And I'd be very happy to give you the blow by blow details of my trip with the speed of 300 words per minute...hihihihi.

J.A.P.A.N.

2011-09-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

Yes...J.A.P.A.N. stands for that "Just Always Pray At Night" acronym. At some point, I found it corny and maybe just a meaningless P.S. on people's letters. Something that people write just to be identified as 'religious'. Tonight, I got that simple message, "Basta, JAPAN lang". It was a message from my cousin who's known to be super hot headed and a certified bad boy. And for him to actually say that and to give it as his two cents...well what can I say? It did make a great impact. It even gave me goosebumps. People do change over the years.

At this point in my life, there's so much to pray for. Sometimes, I won't because, most of prayers would be a combination of thank you's and forgive me's...I would say most of my prayers are forgive me's...Maybe that's the reason why i seldom pray at night nowadays. I'm somewhat afraid, heaven's got no more room for my "forgive me" prayers.

For tonight, I'd take my cousin's advice and breathe a little prayer. It would still be filled with "forgive me's". But it still is a prayer, so I'd say, angels would sing a line or two for me...

Would it? Could it?

2011-08-27T21:45:00.003+08:00

Still "the perfect boyfriend" after all these years...

That's all she could say after two amazing dates with him. After 19 years, she saw him again. It was unplanned, she came from work and a job interview. He called her. He is leaving for the Middle East again next week. She just had a long day and a cancelled date. She needed that break. After 30 minutes, she saw him at Starbucks Metrowalk. She noticed every detail - clean hair cut, newly shaved, Black V-neck shirt, light colored slacks and Birkenstock shoes. She felt slightly insecure about her usual jeans, shirt and chucks, but his usual warm self drowned all that.

There was no "beso-beso". He was gentlemanly to stand up when she came to his table. Usual greetings. He asked what she wanted. All she could think of was just water, as her eyes caught a worn out paper he was holding in between his i-Phone and car keys. She knew exactly what it was. She didn't have what she was supposed to bring. They had to stand up and look for paper and pen, there's this letter that should be written. She knew what to write down, she practically memorized it. She finished the letter and handed it to him. He would read it soon. Then his phone rang. It was his mother. He was kind of apologetic as he took the call. This was no longer new to her. He has always loved his mom. One of the good things about him. He told his mom he was with her. The mom was ecstatic! The two women chatted on the phone. The mom wanted her to come to her house for dinner that very moment. The mom's not the type anyone could say no to...so off they went to her house.

Not the usual type of greetings. The mom was super cool. Very vocal about her compliments and straight up questions. She was embarrassed but felt warm about the mom too. He was across the room watching the two ladies. The dinner was nice. Warm chit-chat again. Then her phone starts receiving text messages non-stop. She was suddenly detached from all of it. It was time for him to take her home. She was still texting non-stop. In the car, he held and pressed her hand, "Pwede bang tong moment na to, akin muna?" and all she could say was, "Magagalit siya pag di ako nag reply eh..." He just continued driving, no hard feelings. He was thinking it was her husband. She was texting her whereabouts to her other man. The boyfriend she just recently had. She wouldn't let him know that.

The next night, he was at her house. He was introducing himself as a high school friend and asking permission to take her for coffee from her father in law. She was appalled and at the same time, she admired his courage. He is still that fearless guy she dated long time ago. They had coffee. There was a kiss on her cheek. And he took her back home at 10PM as he promised her father in law. She told him not to do that again. He wouldn't anymore because she said so. But the next night he was parked a few blocks from her house. She said, she wouldn't come out anymore. He said he would wait in case she changes her mind. He waited for 2 hours. She didn't change her mind, she wanted to but the other man would not let her.

The following day, she got stuck in the MRT. She has been waiting to get on the train for more than an hour. He texted. Half an hour later, she was like a damsel in distress saved by a knight in shining Tucson... Dinner and he took her home. No physical intimacy. He had always been like that.

Too early to say that she would fall in love with him again. Besides, she was already in a marriage and an affair. As for him, he would wait. He said so.

How the story goes is yet to be known...

All in the name of "Sentimental Value"...

2011-08-04T17:45:00.005+08:00

It had been a busy day. I have a splitting headache trying to ruminate so many things that it got me feeling bloated when all I had for the entire day is a bitty brunch. Oh well, though it wasn't exactly a happy day, I still want to be positive. Today, I have learned that no matter how closely related we are to people, we are still completely different when it comes to breeding and integrity.

I would just like to share 2 important things in my life, where most of the decisions of my life were and would be patterned. Sometimes it's quite annoying that some people really close to me don't even value this. It's heartbreaking but sometimes this dear heart of mine should tolerate a few blows and pounding, if only to learn and have a tectonic shift in my paradigm; not to mention lose something with sentimental value and money on the side.

A gentlemen agreement is an informal agreement between two or more parties. It may be written, oral, or simply understood as part of an unspoken agreement by convention or through mutually beneficial etiquette. The essence of a gentlemen agreement is that it relies upon the honor of the parties for its fulfillment, rather than being in any way enforceable.

Palabra de honor is a declaration that one will or will not do a certain thing: assurance, covenant, engagement, guarantee, guaranty, pledge, promise, solemn word, vow, warrant, word.

Of course Gentlemen Agreement and Palabra de Honor are both searchable on the internet. But apparently, not easy to comprehend by everyone. Well, some people would just be happy with a few thousand pesos...

Life's definitely full of surprises!

2011-07-23T08:53:00.014+08:00

SURPRISES...My elementary Alma Mater's mini reunion after 23 years was definitely full of surprises!

Well, for one, it was surprising that I attended. I have just been a silent observer on the exchange of messages on the MES Batch 88's FB group page. Most of its members are still based in Makati and after our Elementary graduation, they practically grew up together. I really didn't firm up as to my attendance on the said reunion, but voila! I was the very first one to arrive. Of course it's off the record that I was a duck-out from another engagement, I intended to leave early but the happenings in the reunion were way to good to pass up. And so I stayed til the wee hours of the night.

Quite frankly, I only had vague memories from my elementary days. So when the nine attendees of the mini reunion were taking the trip down the memory lane, I was trying to recall and have flashbacks on my own.

I did say the mini reunion was full of surprises, right? Well, here are some(I didn't ask for permission so no names will be mentioned):

***The small quiet boy who seldom talked in class is now an entrepreneur with more than a couple of businesses at hand.

***One of the beautiful faces in the batch is now a fully committed wife and mom who came home right away after a phone call from her hubby - I said fully committed because she just lives a couple of blocks away from the venue of the reunion.

***Another beautiful face from the batch did not seem to have aged.

***And this cute little boy who is now a cute little man had a fist-fight with my cousin, hihihi, and I learned about it just now.

***Then there's this guy who didn't change much since elementary days, he was and is still quiet, but what's surprising was that he stayed til the end of the reunion even though he knew that it would drive his wife ballistic.

***Of course there's this good old buddy of mine, who I copied Math answers from,hehe. He was the boy next door type in elementary, and now, he looks like a rock star!

***And who would forget the boy with the sparkling smile in elementary days??? Hmmm...he is still laughing his heart out while seriously helping our country fight car-napping.

***And last but not the least...that boy...that annoying little boy who after many years is no longer little...it was surprising to know he kept a diary, hihihi...

Well...so many things were reminisced and recollected but I'm sure the nine attendees of that very first reunion are aching for more. But then again, who would blame them? Those things that we talked about last night were incontestably fascinating surprises...

Love Letter

2011-06-28T23:09:00.004+08:00

Eighteen years ago, a naive young girlfriend wrote a letter to her first boyfriend. It was a break up letter but one line from that letter made a great impact on the boyfriend's life..."wish to marry you someday"... and he was never the same again...

Their relationship was short. And apart from the very strict parents of the girl, their relationship was perfect and smooth sailing. He was the perfect boyfriend who would take her to school, have lunch with her, carry her books, take her back home and call her at night just to say goodnight. He was able to do all of this in spite of being a working student. Between the two of them...everything's just splendid.

A day after the boyfriend's birthday, the girlfriend broke up with him through a letter. To this day, she could no longer recall what's in it but she's clear as to why she wrote it...some might find it so selfish of her but she simply acted on what she thought would be best for her.

And years after, she had moved on. After a few traumatic boyfriends, she got to marry one great guy. Their marriage wasn't perfect but they make it work.

The boyfriend got to have kids with a nice woman, but he never got married. He had a hard life. Working abroad made him realize a lot of things. And he still reads that letter...every single day...

TO THE GIRLFRIEND: I truly understand where you were coming from when you wrote that break up letter. You did what you thought was best for you and it's something that you shouldn't be guilty of. However, you somehow know that this broke your boyfriend's heart, Take some time to apologize and make sure there's closure because he also deserves to be free from whatever's he's hanging on to.

TO THE BOYFRIEND: When you get back, you will be handed a new letter. This is the one you should hang on to. You deserve to be happy.

Lent in Brunei

2011-04-23T08:42:00.006+08:00

Blogging while waiting for my friends...

I was having second thoughts on this trip to Brunei for reasons that I can now consider 'shallow' and irrelevant. I kinda felt guilty too that I am going to a Muslim country on Holy Week. But as far as I can remember, I have never had any more solemn moments than I what I had when I spent two minutes of prayer in the Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddien Mosque...yup! I was privileged to get a private tour inside the mosque through a very accommodating Razak - a guy we met outside the mosque who happens to assist the Sultan in his prayer time. The mosque was in fact holy far beyond its golden walls and ceilings. Okay, don't get me wrong, I am not contemplating on being a Muslim or what. I just realized that God is indeed in many places and in different forms.

I have always wondered if after all my rebellion and shortcomings, God will still hear my prayers. And this Lenten Season, I confirmed the answer - He doesn't only hear... HE LISTENS.

I am very thankful that I was blessed to meet loving and generous people here in Brunei. From a good old college buddy, I have five additional friends here in Brunei. I also got to meet Filipino kids who happen to stay 'very Filipino' even though they practically grew up here. I felt God's love and blessing through this new acquaintances.

On my last day here, I pray that I can also be a channel of blessings to other people. And no matter what my college buddy says - that Brunei is boring and all... I will be back in Brunei real soon.

STAY HUNGRY. STAY FOOLISH.

2011-03-25T19:12:00.004+08:00

I'm finally getting up on that stage. And it has been 15 years long overdue.

There's a part of me that's very much like the Regine Velasquez song "Urong-Sulong".
Meaning, sometimes, I don't want to attend the graduation march but sometimes I look forward to it since that would mark the end of this chapter of my life. As I'm typing this blog entry, I'm still not sure of what to do.

The reason why I went back to college is for closure. I have worked in companies which I'm quite proud of and technically, I'm already okay with my career. But in spite of my long list of courses and certifications, deep in my heart there's still this empty space aching for that Bachelor's degree. And so, even though I was working full time, I went back to college a couple of years ago, to finish what I started. I didn't know how, but I was very clear with the "why".

As I am less than 24 hours away from my graduation rites, insecurities and inhibitions are swallowing me up. My focus is being directed to the not so good things like I'm the oldest in the batch, I don't have anything to wear, I don't have money etcetera etcetera. I just found myself coming up with reasons not to attend my graduation rites because I'm worried about what other people would say...and this is one of those times when I miss my husband. He knows the right words to say...always. But he's not around for now. So I have got to recall what he'd told me in the past. I'm not the type of person who cared for what other people would think. And it's a bit absurd to start caring for that now. I wonder why I seem to be affected...sign of old age perhaps? Maybe the reality of being separated from my husband has gotten into me.... I surely miss the dude.

Now going back to my dilemma. I have to make up my mind. My time is limited, so I should not waste it living someone else's life. I am not going to be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.

I am actually proud of what I have achieved. I may have been foolish for waiting this long to get that degree. But it's because of this foolishness that made me hunger for more. I'm not quite sure yet, but I think I would like to add 3 more consonants in my name soon.

For now, I would just like to enjoy the title ---> Eng'r. Christine. Don't you just love the sound of that?

DOPPIA FACCIA

2011-02-21T10:46:00.004+08:00

"WHEN BULLETS ARE FLYING,
WHETHER LITERAL OR METAPHORIC,
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE TRUSTED PEOPLE WATCHING YOUR BACK"

I came across this as I was preparing for my lesson plan this morning. And it just hit me that it really shocks us at times when we discover how "two-faced" many people around us are.

I'm no hypocrite to say I haven't been "two-faced" in all the years of my existence. Being in Sales & Marketing, I've had my own fair share of two-facing scenarios as it is imperative to master this skill in my line of work. But...may I just say - IT DOESN'T END THERE. As Uncle Ben Parker said (with a little bit of my personal twist) The two-facing skill comes with greater responsibilities...Simply put, we could and should put it into good use.

And in spite of my "I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run..." and "I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see...I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me" dilemmata (pasensya, may LSS lang); From my personal ordeal, it's still a conundrum how it is a way of life and a means for survival to some.

As I am an OC for details, I've left no stones unturned from previous episodes that involved two-faces and two-facing. I think, people do this for many reasons. I suppose I could come up with a few: maybe because of an unhappy childhood, maybe because of envy, lack of education, zero career, recalcitrant personal struggles, insecurities or maybe that's just the way they are.

Well, it is definitely annoying and as I said earlier, shocking. But at the end of the day, I simply find myself shrugging my shoulders and I continue to coexist with them. After all, a nuisance that they are, they do have equal rights to be in this world anyway.

I stick to the core of who I am...

2011-01-26T10:13:00.004+08:00

I had been with a not so unusual "issue" with kinsfolk whom I can boldly say got no better things to do. Of course I have said kinsfolk, meaning family issues and if I might add, I come from a big clan so you could just imagine myriad of opinions, alliances left and right, different dramas and brouhahas from tangled statements. Believe me, it's nothing new.

Though these scenarios are as old as the hills. At the end of the day, there's learning. And here's mine:

****No insult could put a REAL good person down. Yes. Definitely. No matter how these "aggrieved" relatives bombarded me with their callow SMS messages (while playing it low in FB where I acquiescently push some buttons) it didn't get into me. In fact, it gave me a good laugh that would maybe last for weeks.

****People, relative or not, who'd been through a lot with you would love you even during the times that you incurred "temporary insanity". They would even understand when you finally pushed back and they would say "It's about time!"

****There are people who would shower you with motivational quotes and encouragement and words of wisdom but will not get at the bottom of things. They will simply walk out and will just let you "handle things on your own".

****There are people who couldn't and wouldn't shut up.Even if you've already done them good, they would end up putting you "on the spot".

****There are people who will blame you for helping out in saving a life because you didn't help them with their business.

Just as Oprah always say ---> Different strokes from different folks. And speaking of Oprah, she never cease to amaze me but I was particularly struck when she said: 'There are times when you feel it is right for you to tell your narrative. If you feel comfortable, go ahead. But for as long as you are on the side of truth, go ahead.'

Well, this is me feeling comfortable. And I know I am on the side of truth. And so I will say my piece for two reasons. First, I am doing this for my mom. None of my mom's siblings are getting any younger. But almost none of them changed their wicked ways over the years. A few weeks back, an uncle almost died because of illness. This Uncle of mine told my aunt to inform my mom about it. This Aunt said yes and claimed that she did but didn't even bother telling my mom. My Uncle felt bad and had negative thoughts about my mom, up to the extent that he thought my mom wouldn't even care if he died. This was discovered by my sister and boy my sister discovered a lot!

And that brings me to the second reason. These relatives claimed that it was our family who didn't accept my cousin's partner during our April 2010 Reunion. I was dog-tired during that reunion. From preparation to the actual event. I didn't entertain any negativity that day and even after that event. I don't and will never discriminate a family member or their chosen partner, much more behind people's back. I am quite known by my family and friends to be BRUTALLY FRANK.

So I can tell anything I would like to say to anyone's face. I really hate that gossip because I particularly love that cousin and I am happy that the woman he is with helped him straighten his ways. So damn these people who couldn't contain their insecurities and then let other people take the blame.

Now for you my dear cousins and Aunt....This is me telling you...Stop! There's no way I am going to play your games. It's a legacy that I'm not gonna pass on to the next generation. It's not my fault if you feel you've been laughed at because you're an elephant in a swimsuit. Or you've been teased because of your deformities. For crying out loud... I DON'T FREAKIN' CARE!!! You have got to find out other ways and means to handle your insecurities other than comparing yourself to our family. Because you will never measure up. This is me not being arrogant. This is me telling you that life's like that. We can't always measure up with everybody. Comparison would do more damage than good.

I would not apologize for being myself right now. If you were hurt at some point, then maybe it's good and it just might clear your head on some issues. I have been raised to be someone who would stick to the core of who I am. And this is who I am. BLUNT. INTENSE. UNSTOPPABLE.

For those who could relate and would like details about this blog, well...sorry...I will keep mum on this if you are not directly involved on the said issues. However, I am willing to give out names. Haha!

Traverse 2011

2011-01-05T11:29:00.001+08:00

There's so much for me this 2011.

I am finally finishing Industrial Engineering.
I am settling with my hubby outside the Philippines.
I am working out to lose those flabs I nurtured for years.
I am buying a new car.
I am debt free.

Of course there's still this dark side of me that seemed like a party pooper amidst of it all...

Yup, there's this evil side of me lurking strongly that I have searched the net for a "gun-for-hire" to kill someone. I'm not proud of it...I'm just saying...good thing killers in the Philippines are not yet internet savvy. But it still doesn't mean that I'm letting that philandering moron get away. The reason why I am not into lending business is that, I am never good with debts more so with people who have debts. So, by all means, he will pay his debts.

It's been years since I last blogged and with what's going on in my head, I need an outlet. It's either I blog or I self-train to be an assassin. Not much of a choice so please bear with me.

C H A N G E

2009-04-22T18:57:00.000+08:00

While preparing my lesson plan for my TESOL class, I came across this quote: "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

Simple words yet it had me thinking that I am sometimes like that... I am very much aware that our very survival depends on our ability to stay awake, to adjust to new ideas, to remain vigilant and to face the challenge of change. This has been one of the major principles in my life. In order for there to be growth, there must be change. I have been telling other people about that. I tell it over and over again that it has no impact on me anymore. It's time I say something new to myself...to be in touch with myself...for me to change for the better.

I've realized that change has a considerable psychological impact on me, so it might be the same for others:
-If I am fearful... change is threatening because it means things may get worse.
-If I am hopeful...change is encouraging because things may get better.
-If I am confident...change is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

I have learned something new:The joy of life consists in the exercise of one's energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience. The eternal mistake of mankind is to set up an attainable ideal. We are greater than all of our worries, problems and heartaches.

To stop means simply to die.

We have that gift to live life to the fullest...

It doesn't mean we have to be superheroes or special or extraordinary...All excesses are inimical to Nature. It is safer to proceed a little at a time, especially when changing from one regimen to another.

To change is to be vulnerable.

And to be vulnerable is to be alive.

Sayonera...I mean Sayonara User!!!

2009-04-15T19:14:00.004+08:00

Who would've thought that I just stayed home during the holy week? Of course I initially had plans but decided not to push through with it because I needed some serious contemplating...and yes some hours of sleep as well.

I have to admit, the first quarter of year 2009 was very challenging and my schedule of commitments is inevitable. But of course, I value the importance of spending quality time with family and friends. Though most of the time I felt that that eagerness is a one way street...I didn't mind at all. But of course being human, I got fed up going through the same scenario over and over again. For some, I simply kept my distance and built an imaginary wall. It's not that I don't love them anymore, I just love myself more.

But i want to specifically talk about one particular person. At one time or another, people close to me suspected that this person whom I thought was my friend or even a family member was using me. It’s never a good feeling when you find out that someone you love or care about does not feel the same way about you and is in fact using you only for their own benefit. This can be very upsetting, especially when you first discover the truth.

I can't afford to be very generous but I'm never particular about money either. But being insulted for 300 pesos right to your face would wake up the demons you didn't even know you had. And that's what this bitch did to me. This bitch who shoved this cheap perfume even though I didn't order for it, and I ended up getting it anyway kasi nakaka awa naman siya. But she was so kapal to make singil as if delayed na ako for payment. And when I simply asked to pay her the next day because I didn't want to get out of the office and go to my car to get my money, would smirk at me as if I owe her big time! And mind you, she did that in front of our colleagues. The nerve of that galisin bitch! Oh and by the way, this is the same bitch who owes me 100 times that freakin' 300 pesos and made pakiusap for so many times that she couldn't pay! Kapal di ba?

The story above might seem a little petty. But that's the last straw... And there's more to that than how it seems to be. I don't need to go into details. I just know that now it's final: I loathe her. I detest everything about her. And I have got to release all these negative feelings somehow. God forgive me for the things I could think of doing to her... But I am so pissed off.

I just remembered something I have read sometime ago...There is a very thin line between love and hate.

And I have crossed that line.

My bestfriend is now my most hated enemy.

Tagpi - tagpi

2009-02-22T00:17:00.004+08:00

I took a picture. I couldn't even identify the object. I mean I couldn't call it by a name because I don't know what it is. It's someone else's work of art; I didn't even bother getting the artist's name. I just felt like taking a shot of it from my cam.

As I was transferring it from my cam to my PC, I finally figured out why my interest was perked up and I even named this work 'tagpi-tagpi'...just like my life. I'm not complaining...I'm just saying that I'm still in the process of figuring my life out...

Blogging again? Nah...just passing by...

2009-01-20T18:04:00.002+08:00

There has been so much going on, I have no idea where to start back up. I know that I stated I would try to write as often as I can, maybe even every other day…and I still have that thought going in my mind. But with the start of 2009 it just got to be too much. So no time like the present to get back into the writing.

I have not had time…I know who does. But it is rather frustrating. I used to write most of the time. Now it is so sporadic. So I have decided that this needs to stop. I need to have an outlet! I would say I need to blog always, but I realize that it is never going to happen. So I opted to spend at least an hour after work, three times a week, to pamper myself. Not one day this week did I go directly home from work. Someone complained... what else is new?

And so while splurging on my pampering hour the other day, someone told me that I have way too much love in me not to be seeing someone else. Nice sentiment, but wasted. Oh well, one surely get something like this because most people think that love is always meant for another person.

Anyway, this weekend I decided that I wanted to rearrange my place. I was supposed to go somewhere, but had this overwhelming feeling about needing a change. I had been sitting around catching up on television shows and being really lazy, but then a sudden spark was implanted in me. But I never got the chance to do any re arranging because I had some VIP's invading my house...and so we had some great night out instead. It may be a guilty pleasure, but it was so worth it!

WEIRD WEEKEND

2008-09-28T10:09:00.003+08:00

After months and months of waiting for the "package" which I thought was so big...the only big I have had was disappointment! With all the press releases and marketing brouhahas, the said "package" was so small I could even hold it with 3 fingers! And then, there's some psychos whom after cancelling a confirmed appointment, would curse and blame kasi "di daw natuloy"....

Grrr, talk about a weird weekend!

LOYAL BUT NOT FAITHFUL

2008-09-19T19:49:00.001+08:00

I know...I know...
The answer to that million dollar question..."Why haven't you been blogging all this time?" is...Oh well, I simply got bored!

For those who truly know me would just nod their heads in agreement...Yep, one of my weaknesses is that I'm never the "stick to one" kind of person...But of course I don't go around flaunting it while stepping on other people's toes...

I just do my own thing in a very subtle manner. Just like they way I did in my blogging...I simply hibernated.

Now...THE CATCH:

If I like something so much, even if I got bored and left...one thing's for sure - I go back sooner or later...

But if I got burned or choked or maybe missed out on the "chemistry thing" - I turn my back and leave and I will not even look back...

Yun pala yun....

2008-05-13T08:55:00.001+08:00

I'm quite sure most of us Filipinos are aware that we are now 88million but I can also bet my orchids (borrow lang sa commercial) that not many Filipinos care about its consequences. It's always easier to blame the government or our parents or anyone for the poverty and other mishaps that we experience. It's human nature to be defensive and not take responsibility for what's happening. Life's like that...

So anyway, it was just supposed to be an ordinary teaching day for me at the office, but this morning, I have accidentally unlocked a mystery. Well, it's actually just a funny thought worth blogging but I just wanted to put a "poetic tone" into it: And so I say - unlock a mystery, hihihihi... Well, today's blog is about what could be the possible cause of the Philippine's skyrocketing population numbers...And the culprit??? MANGOES... Yup, people, our love for mangoes could be the reason of our unfaltering desire to express our love resulting to 88 million in numbers. In addition, India is the nation in which men are prescribed mango therapy to increase virility. India - the source of Kama Sutra and a nation which happens to have a vast amount of population as well.

So my fellow Filipinos...hindi lang pala bungang araw ang dala ng sobrang pagkain ng mangga; bungang tao rin pala! Hihihihihi....

A FOOL'S DILEMMA...

2008-04-22T05:51:00.000+08:00

Another day is passing
And still there is no word
On how your life is going
And who is in your world

I pray you will consider
These words I write to you
I liked you in my life
Yet maybe now it's through

I don't want to see
our relationship come to an end
And I don't want to find
our lives standing still

We are moving towards the end
And we really ought to wait
Because God planted something special
Deep within our hearts

I know your life is hectic
You are busy all day through
My life is busy also
But I still think of you

I want to send my love
And remind you of these things
Just so you will know
You mean so much to me

Joy and pain of what's forbidden...

2008-04-12T20:47:00.003+08:00

There are all kinds of things we do for a "first time" -- and later they just seem of no moment. But each thing we do, each action we take, changes us as well as the world.

Doing something forbidden may have a certain spice to it -- but afterwards, the guilt trip begin and we find ourselves asking - "was it worth it?" What are the consequences and upon whom does the toll fall? I always justify and stand firm that if the cost is only to myself, then it's nobody else's business. But if it involves others - that's a problem.

But if it weren't "forbidden" then there wouldn't be any consequences, right? It's crossing the line of "forbidden" that causes all the trouble -- not the act itself. Hmmm...yeah, that confused me too.

I can't help but also wonder: are things "forbidden" because some ancient ancestors got into trouble doing that thing? Well, but that was then and this is now -- rules have to change, right? The "forbidden line" has to move from generation to generation.

So I guess we have to figure out what should or should not be forbidden in our own time. From scratch.

Should nothing be forbidden?

Should no action disqualify us for some other opportunity?

Is there some logic or reasoning that can be applied to select what taboos a culture needs?

But sometimes, in spite of stuff being forbidden; The potential for happiness is worth the risk involved. That for me, shows incredible courage.

And in pursuit of happiness, I've had my own fair share in doing what's forbidden. And just recently, I had to cut back from something forbidden. I'm very much aware that doing that was for the greater good, but it doesn't lessen the pain of parting with something I have been used to having for quite sometime. I'd be lying if i say, I dont miss it. There are times I would really sneak back into that forbidden thing. And quite frankly, I just might end up wound up to my forbidden thing...

The Calling...

2008-03-05T20:58:00.002+08:00

I have been teased a lot that I am fickle minded and yet so demanding from others to stick to what was initially planned. I am fondly remembered by family, friends and loved ones to be that someone who would convince everyone to be present at an event and on the day of the event, I am nowhere to be found... I would be in another engagement, influencing people to an idea which later on, I might not be involved in... Yeah, so I change my mind fast and I move around a lot. But there are very few people who stays pissed off at me. Well it might be because technically, there are no broken agreements. I simply sell an idea and ignite people to execute. There are rarely any accountabilities for that...

Yes, I can get people to listen to what I have to say at any given time. But I have not been banking on this God-given talent. Thanks to my lifetime partner, he keeps my feet on the ground, in times I get bloated with compliments and stuff. But like some ordinary person, I have been called to an extra ordinary ministry..I could give a lot of people a heart attack when they hear this but I'm going to say it anyway...I have been called to do ministry for the church.

My challenge right now is to convince people to turn to God and to always come from love in any action that they make. And I have always believed that the best legacy we can leave the earth is to live by excellent example. I have been called for this and my prayer is that I'd be able to live up to it...

I'M NO NOCTURNAL QUEEN...

2008-02-12T14:21:00.000+08:00

After 4 days of working in the graveyard shift, series of meetings during day time and barely three hours of sleep for the past week brought me to the hospital. Yup! I guess this supergirl just realized she wasn't super after all. And she also realized that the graveyard shift isn't really her thing...

And so I salute all of the call center agents out there working their way during the time when the rest of the Philippines' sleeping...this kind of job calls for unique individuals. The call center industry calls for individuals who just got more than the "american thwang"; there's so much to consider like the time schedule and then there's health... i passed the first two categories in flying colors but i fell short of the health part and so i guess i'm giving up the call center industry for good. well...just the ones in the graveyard shift.

Hihihihi...did I just sound like someone who couldn't let go? I guess I have come to love that industry and it's not going to be easy to give it all up. At this point, I just come to realize that I could never be batgirl...just super girl because I'm no nocturnal queen...

Sugar Cane Soap

2008-01-21T22:49:00.000+08:00

"Vanity, definitely my favorite sin!" As Al Pacino said in a movie where he played the role of the devil. That line just kept ringing inside my head as I visited my favorite spa this afternoon. And I just realized that, we, Filipinos have been avid fans of beauty products up to the point where we resort to going under the knife or using the latest technology just to be beautiful.

Well, as they say, to each his own...it's our birth right to make a choice. And I made mine. I am just happy to be partners with people who care. And I'm happy they trusted me to take part in introducing "sugar cane soap" in the Philippines and I'm sure very soon, in the international market.

Thinking out loud...

2008-01-15T17:39:00.000+08:00

I am angry.

I have always resented having to choose.

I refuse to choose.

In the middle of the day, my face unfamiliar and drowned by the thick crowd... I still managed to contemplate.

I imagined my life without him.

I imagined my life without them.

I didn't like it either way.

Life went on like any ordinary day.

I pretended it would not always be like this.

Now at dawn, I am still pretending.

In the end I would have it all.

I wanted him.

I wanted them.

It seemed I could have them both...

Freedom and birthdays...

2008-01-03T06:40:00.000+08:00

Back when I was 11 years old, I remember praying so hard to have a baby brother. It was for selfish reasons. At that time, I thought a baby brother would make my very strict dad too busy to notice the "lakwatsa & bulakbol" I happen to enjoy at that time (up to now pa rin naman, hihihi)But in spite of my selfish reasons, the following year, our family was gifted with an angel: James Leonard(combined name of my dad and grandpa). My brother was so puti and it got my sisters and I so insecured of our skin color. I never got tired of staring at him and hoped that everytime he cried at night, he would long for me to hold him. But apparently, he was attracted more with my other sister's exotic scent..hihihi. This morning, I still found myself staring at my brother - at 21, 5'10 ft tall and 200 pounds sleeping soundly or should I say "nakabalandra" in our living room...yeah, the big sister in me still secretly wishes that he would turn to me at any point in his life. He is forever my budoy...

Now, I can't help but link today's occasion with what happened to me yesterday. Today is my brother's birthday and yesterday was my last day at work. Yup, my new job just got old, just like my brother...hihihi. It shocked a lot of people at work because sharing a big office with the company's SVP is a dream job for many...oh well, just not mine. And when the HR Manager asked me when do I plan to pass my resignation, without batting an eyelash, I politely but firmly answered her,"In five minutes, effective today." And I meant every word. And so, there were no pulling of anybody's sleeves, I closed another chapter of my life. In my heart I didn't feel any pain or regret or even fear. I was ecstatic to have my freedom back again! And I literally felt this line that I normally just hear from telenovelas "ang gaan sa dibdib". (Spot-check: my lovely breasts are still in tact, thank you very much...hihihi)

And so I believe I have started the year right....and light too! I have no excess baggage and yes, I have taken charge. And pretty damn proud about it.

The first day of the rest of my life...

2008-01-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

Today is the first day day of the rest of my life....those were my exact thoughts as I woke up this morning. I was very tired yesterday and I even thought that I would miss the fireworks and all, but I didn't.

As I watched the fireworks, I just realized that I rediscovered me. And for 2008, my personal battle cry is: I would have to take charge.

And so...more adventures, challenges, laughters, tears, new found love and maybe some realtionships might be ended too...but the best part is I know I'm up for living my life to the fullest.

Cheers and a fruitful 2008 for allof us!

Busy...Busy...

2007-12-28T16:19:00.000+08:00

Yup! I had been very busy, well that could be expected from the new job, then there's the holiday etc etc. Just the same, I am happy to share some photos:

SECOND OPINION PLEASE...

2007-12-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

A very close friend of mine gave me the privilege to think for her - hihihihi, yeah sometimes she couldn't do it on her own. And since my job right now requires analytic and creative thinking. I think I would like to "make patol" to her nonsense "inarte", but it wouldn't be fun at all to be doing it all by myself so I'm really hoping you'd give me your two cents on this too.

Here are her exact words: "Ace,I would need your honest-to-goodness opinion. Give me your interpretation please. I dreamt about this special guy that I broke up with sometime ago. I decided to break up with him because he just didn't have enough time for me and I was never a believer of LDR (long distance relationship). Now here's the thing, I was dreaming about him last night, we were eating together and then I was awakened by my ringing cellphone. So I answered it. And it was him and he was calling me from Europe. I haven't been thinking about him and I'm actually doing quite well even after the break up. Does that mean, I ought to give the relationship another shot?"

And like any work that I would have to finish on a certain deadline, I told her to give me 72 hours to get back to her on this. And so my clock is ticking...

Sunday Standoff..

2007-12-02T21:05:00.000+08:00

I did the unusual today. I spent time with a friend's family activity. It was supposed to be the usual Sunday dinner as any normal family would do...But I guess I got myself into the paranormal.

Oh well, I just realized that even the most quiet family would go ballistic because of this thing called "vested interest"... And I'm speaking from experience: I love this person very much but I got to say that I was turned off to see how this person's judgement was clouded. I didn't like witnessing that. But I guess it's one of the many downsides of being human.

And so next Sunday, I decided to spend time with MY OWN family...

Wrong could be right too...

2007-11-23T07:57:00.000+08:00

I never thought I would hear myself say this, but here I am blurting it out. Yep, sometimes some things that are wrong will eventually be right...in time. I am never a believer of this but as always, life never cease to amaze me.

Okay, so just let me tell you a story....

A long time ago, there was this girl who was in a serious relationship with her boyfriend. She did the usual stuff, you know, help with his schoolwork, supported him til he got his job, pre marital sex etc etc... Then gradually the guy doesn't show up on their dates, no longer calls until such time the girl got worried and visited the guy in his workplace. When he saw his girlfriend, he acted like nothing was wrong and just introduced some of his female co-workers. The girlfriend had a hunch on this one female co-worker that he introduced, but she just brushed that thought away. Two weeks later, they broke up. The boyfriend denied having a third party, he said he just needed to focus on his job blah blah blah... Two months later, the girlfriend heard that he was getting married to some girl he got pregnant. And that pregnant girl was the same female co-worker the girlfriend had a hunch on... So as in any telenovelas, the girlfriend was crushed but was strong enough to move on... Her friends comforted her about karma and that her ex and the girl wouldn't last long and a lot of things like that. She appreciated her friends' concern but in her heart she didn't want that. Over the years she held back all the things she could contribute in all her relationships. She wasn't bitter, she wasn't thinking ill of her ex-bf but she was mad because she believed if he had told her the truth, she would've understood. And then, a decade later, the boyfriend adds her up in myspace...from his photos, he is still happily married with the same girl and they got beautiful kids. No words were said or needed to be said, the girlfriend knew that it was his way of apologizing and she accepts it. And somehow it was what she had hoped for, that he had made the right decision.

And so, that's just about it... I guess love is really greater than anything in this world... Legal or illegal, as long as it's love...

32 things I have learned in life...

2007-11-13T19:26:00.000+08:00

1. We can never express our love too often...

2. We ought to give voice to our love.

3. There is no fear in love.

4. The supreme need in every hour of difficulty is a vision of God...

5. Trials can be God's triumph

6.T o stay youthful..we have to stay useful. And that means spiritually,emotionally, mentally, physically...hmmm, o siya sige na nga kasama na sexually...I wanted to be formal sana on this blog entry, kaya lang that wouldn't be me anymore...hihihihi...

7. We ought to learn to be able to teach...

8. Wellness is everybody's birthright...

9. Believe it or not...we can quiet our minds...

10. We can set realistic timelines for ourselves...

11. We can celebrate detours as opportunities for new discovery...

12. We can share our joy with others in so many ways...

13. Thirteen is definitely my favorite number for life!

14. Sometimes when we go to a new place, we suddenly become lucky

15. When we're lucky, we sometimes sabotage our luck...

16. We need DEDICATION to be able to move closer to our target...

17. In order to achieve, we must first believe that achievement is possible...

18. Be bold! In whichever way you want to...hihihihi

19. Do not permit any reservations to linger...

20. NOthing worthwhile comes to life without effort...

21. Belief is a compelling force...

22. Life is unfair...we just got to deal with it..

23. Friends are friends forever...

24. Family always comes first...

25. Number 24 is non-negotiable...

26. Talking can do us good...Listening can do better...

27. Happiness is a choice...

28. We sometimes got to hit the line hard...

29. Variety is the very spice of life...

30. The word impossible should not exist in the dictionary...

31. The worst men often give the best advice...hmmm...parang ako...hihihihi

32. And last but not the least...the best thing I have learned in the past 32 years of my life here on earth... 1. We are unique individually and we have a distinct purpose in our lives.

Cheers to another fruitful year in my life!

Rude...? Nah!

2007-11-11T07:47:00.000+08:00

Just a quick one today - and a request with it. Just wondering if I went overboard with the following corker I have said this week... Because personally, I felt that the more crushing they were, the better...

Some girl talking about some guy: "He is a sensible guy..."
My answer: "No, I just mistook his silence for intelligence..."

Some guy asking after he'd seen me cough because of his cigarette: "Do you mind if I smoke?"
My answer: "I don't care if you burn!"

Ironic as it may seem, it felt good to be rude...And as always, some people just won't understand...

November...

2007-11-04T16:44:00.000+08:00

November happens to be my All-time favorite month. But it seems that this year, November is giving me the blues...

And so, amidst my new job, non-stop parties, quality time with family and friends...I still feel lonely and I just have to admit that I'm missing someone terribly...and the worst part is, I shouldn't.

November Rain

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away

If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Fun Fun Funny!

2007-10-22T19:44:00.000+08:00

Lovely ladies headed to the mall at 8AM...

Arcade time! Sino kaya nag enjoy? Yung baby o yung mga bantay? Si teddy bear yata...

Sino ang mas magandang yaya? Siyempre yung nakapalda...naka bend over pa...

Pulubi sa Luneta...natulog ng walang laman ang tiyan....di lang halata! Hihihi...

Pagka gising, gutom pa din...ayan tulala!

============================================================================================

I have been contemplating on whether to post the following pics or not... Generally, I think I look fatter, my face is oily, my clothes are hideous etc etc... But then I come to realize that I was absolutely having the time of my life with my sisters so I posted it anyway. Besides, I have conquered my "looking good issues" a long time ago. And HAPPINESS is definitely the only cosmetic I need!

Enjoy the photos because when these were taken in Trinoma and Luneta, PURE FUN was in the air!

Gimik Non-stop:

2007-10-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

It's 9PM on a Sunday and I just woke up. Yup, believe it or not, I have slept the Sunday away. I would've slept through the entire night too if it hadn't been for my husband who got worrried and woke me up because I haven't eaten any decent meal. Well, for whatever it's worth...I feel absolutely rejuvenated.

I had been out non-stop since Friday...it was supposed to be holiday but of course, with my line of work, it was just another day. Hmm....come to think of it...it was kinda out of the ordinary. And allow me to tell you why...

FRIDAY (October 12)

***WORK: Yup, I had to work. I'm just not sure if we get double pay but with my previous experiences, nothing shocks me anymore. We even had no aircon since the building got a centralized AC system. Of course, this wasn't the first time it had happened to me so I came in prepared. I was in my comfy clothes. Oh and we experienced power failure, not only once but twice. And yeah, it delayed our work but it didn't piss anyone off; well at least from our team because there was something to look forward to: VIDEOKE!!! And so, in spite of a very challenging day, the team got off work at exactly 2pm...well except for our lovely TL who had to stay for a short meeting that lasted almost 2 hours.

***VIDEOKE: I didn't realize that my entire team mates could pass anyday as entertainers in Japan! The girls were very talented! And with self confidence to match too! Nobody hesitated to show off their talents and in fairness, it was fun and entertaining! I didn't even mind singing my heart out with matching "kapit-bisig" with them. And the song??? Auld Lang Syne... Now, I will remember that moment every time I will hear that song!

***DEBUT PARTY: Yup! I am still attending 18th birthday parties at 32. And may I just say, I'm not one of the invited ate's or tita's, I am friends with the debutant. I had fun with the young girls and there were some moments I felt that I was 18 too.

I was in bed at 2AM.

Saturday (October 13)

***MEETING: I had to drag myself out of bed for an early morning meeting. I had to wait for awhile but I didn't mind because it was a good meeting. I had to make some tough choices, but I know that my final decision was for the greater good. Bottomline-I have to move on and expand my horizons.

***VISIT: It's been awhile since I last acknowledged my gut feel, but as always, it never failed me. I just felt like calling a cousin and when I did, I was able to spend some quality time with my nephews and nieces, and of course, how can I forget my lovely cousin fresh from Singapore.

***TRINOMA: Well, unlike MOA, it didn't blow me away. Maybe because there were so many people. But just the same, Trinoma is worth visiting. In Trinoma, I would always remember 3 things:

Number 1 - I'm proud of Manny Pacquiao being the only Filipino endorser of Nike.

Number 2 - I'm not stingy but I will never ever find it practical to buy a pair of sandals for Php 4,250...Birkenstock or not!

Number 3 - I am officially a Havaianas fan!

***COFFEE: I tried this green tea thing in Starbucks. It wasn't very delicious but my two companions and our sensible conversations made the great difference.

And I was in bed at 2AM...again.

Sunday (October 14)

***CHURCH: Eventhough I slept at 2AM, I was up and alive for our morning mass. And a mature act from my co-choir member made it extra special.

And I started sleeping after that; which brings me back to the beginning of this blog....Hmmm, I guess I have to crawl back in bed now...

Just wondering...

2007-10-04T06:11:00.000+08:00

A lovely colleague approached me early this morning and without batting an eyelash said, "Ace, I think you could pass as a Flexitarian... you know this new diet thing...blah blah..." I didn't hear the rest of what she said. I guess I was on a selective hearing mode, I mean it was 4:30 in the morning. Who wants to talk about diets? But she perked up my interest. I liked the term...FLEXITARIAN...I'm never into any diets, I know I eat just enough and I'm just too lazy to exercise, but I'm willing to check this Flexitarianism thing out.

And speaking of checking out...let me share this test that I took a few minutes ago...I shouldn't be blogging at all because I got tons of things to do. But I guess that's how I am...I wind up doing things I shouldn't do. And I love it! Hihihi... I just want to call it being extemporaneous...Cheers!

Men See You As Desirable

Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual
You're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in
You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage
Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily

How Do Men See You?

Gigs keep me sane...

2007-10-01T19:27:00.000+08:00

As always, I continue to work my ass off but I make sure I can grab all the chance I could get to bounce off walls and holler my head off and just have fun from the simplest to the most twisted way I can.

I sometimes feel like I have to chronicle every little thing that's going on in my life through this blog. I kinda feel excited about it; knowing that there are some sincere readers who really appreciate whatever I write and I know it could also keep people entertained. Plus, I get to keep a record of everything that's happening. But things have been happening so fast lately that I haven't been able to keep up. Which I like too. I just opt to exercise this whole new thing of saving things for myself...it feels liberating. Let's just say, I no longer make blog entries in my head as things are unfolding. It's more fun to just let them happen and enjoy every second.

Over the past few days, I have done a lot of fun, great things. Watching "A Love Story" movie over and over again; buying too many earrings. Hanging out with teenagers and conniving with them to have a date with a heartthrob from Hongkong (with so many kilig moments...gosh!) And of course, the never ending meetings that made me realize: people can surprise you and strip off your jadedness and it's actually a good thing.

And then there were those weird things. Seeing it on youtube that I actually made a wise decision in turning down a job offer that would have given me an impressive designation, a car and a 6-digit salary. Paying a visit to a rich friend who's in prison for estafa. Idiots resurfacing. And how could I forget the phone call I got this afternoon; the one liner, "Hello, andito na ako Pilipinas" that shocked me and made me slump on the floor.

Life has felt like a series of gig and I like that. I have more fun coming my way. I can't wait.

It's all about balance...

2007-09-26T07:55:00.000+08:00

My last couple of blogs were a bit off and I know I was kind of whining…must be PMS…but whatever my reasons were…I’m just glad it’s over now and I’m back to being perky again! So here I am at work, in high spirits and getting so much attention by simply wearing my colorful tops, jeans and those cutie clips on my hair. That’s kind of odd because I have worn much more shocking and revealing ones in the past.

I just came from a long weekend. Mind you, it wasn’t relaxing at all, but it was really rejuvenating. I started the weekend by spending some naughty Friday night out with some cool gals from work. We were successful in our ultimate goal; and that was to corrupt the mind of our young Korean officer…hihihi. I would say we did a great job for we made her scream and left her horrified until 3 AM. Quite intriguing huh? Let me just say that the gig we had, could entwine us with the tug-of-war between Aphrodite and Persephone… Well, I could only relate to the feelings of these women. I did see some things that literally made my jaw drop! Whew! It is suffice to say that I had fun with the girls but I also think our scheme kind of backfired because I still got a headache from that candle man; I wasn’t able to sleep at all!

Despite the headache, I was still able to gather strength and had a videoke concert series with a girlfriend. I got a bit of sore throat but it’s actually my ears that have been seriously damaged…hihihi. That girl sure had a lot of confidence! Kidding aside, with the job that we have, we could sure use fun time like this one.

Oh well, the naughty gig and videoke night rejuvenated me. I didn’t even mind flying in and out of Manila to conduct training and promote some products…all in less than 48 hours. I got to do my community work and spend time with my loved ones. On top of that, I was also able to do some filing at home and dispose a lot of things I no longer use…

It was indeed a fun and productive weekend. I may not have a balanced diet; but I sure have a balanced life! Thank God for that…

Storms bring out the eagles

2007-09-20T12:11:00.000+08:00

I was feeling a bit blue early this morning. I have been battling with thoughts about cruelty, betrayal, violence and a couple of other negative feelings. Why is it that no matter how good our intentions are, other people will really try different ways and means to break us? Is "world peace" really just an answer to get someone a crown from a beauty pageant? Do we start getting used to those skeptical look from people when we start talking about possibilities of harmonious relationships?

Yeah, I could come up with a lot of questions just to bottle up my feelings. But even if I have better control with my emotions now compared before, I would lie big time if I say it's always a happy day.

I was internalizing to be a drama queen for the rest of the day. And as I scrounged around in my box of mess for some coins, I got hold of my former colleagues’ calling card. There was a note on the card that said: “Ace, always bear in mind that eagles don’t fly in flocks. It could get a little lonely but just keep on soaring high.”

So there…another learning. I guess the lesson I learned today is: Storms bring out the eagles.

For the eagle knows
That the higher he flies,
The more tranquil and brighter
Become the skies.

And there is nothing in life
God ever asks us to bear
that we can't soar above
"On the wings of prayer."

And in looking back over
the "storm you passed through,"
You'll find you gained strength
and new courage, too.

For in facing "life's storms"
With an eagle's wings,
You can fly far above
Earth's small, petty things.

Sad but true...

2007-09-17T09:48:00.000+08:00

I have been surrounded with different types of people. And most of the time, I make it a point that I get myself surrounded by the prominent and intelligent ones. I crave to learn and I know that it would be worth my time being around them.

It’s almost a year now since I decided to join the band wagon of educators. I left the prestigious world of Sales and Marketing in the hope that life would be simpler in a smaller company. Let’s just say I had another one coming..,

Over the weekend, I learned some valuable lessons:
-Intelligence is an edge but nothing can break anything done out of love and sincerity.
-Nothing beats the pain of being stabbed in the back by a trusted someone.
-Birds of the same feather do flock together… Ang mga insecured at inggitera, andun sa sulok nagbobolahan o kaya naman, nakatutok sa MSN at nagcha-chat about someone na nasapawan sila sa galing at ganda…
-Patience is learned

And of course the most important lesson that I have learned: ONE’S CHARACTER IS SEEN ON HOW HE TREATS THE LEAST OF HIS BRETHREN.

I believe that what makes a leader most effective. That in spite of a busy schedule, tons of work to do and other people to manage; if that leader would still find time for another person who needs special attention, that makes him not only a leader – but a mentor, a friend and a HUMAN BEING as well.

It’s just sad to see how a simple position could make a person so arrogant and push the weaker people around… And they got the nerve to call themselves a leader…

Raining men...

2007-09-09T20:05:00.000+08:00

Just a simple reminder that the best men we could have in our lives are the ones we could depend on...

I just feel blessed I got all areas of life covered... I am married to one great guy; daughter of a tough but loving man; sister to two wonderful young men; niece and cousin to men with beautiful genes; friend to tons of amazing guys...

What can I say? It's raining men in my life!

Something to look forward to

2007-09-03T09:00:00.000+08:00

Some would call it, back to square one or maybe starting over again but I would like to call it “closure”…Well, at least on my part. And I’m talking about a lot of unfinished businesses that I am dealing with lately. If I had done these things a few years back, I know that I would cringe at every comment other people will make. Comments like: you’re too old for that, you don’t have to prove anything, start another race, and it’s just not worth it…blah blah blah. And yes, for more than a decade now, comments like these mattered a lot to me! So much that it took me awhile to realize that no matter what I really wanted, people (specially loved ones) would find ways to criticize the choices I make in my life. I can’t hold it against them of course, that’s just how it is… It’s human nature.

Well, anyway, I am blogging about my excitement to a jam-packed schedule this coming last quarter of 2007. I have high hopes in establishing myself in an industry I have been in love with for so many years, and at the same time, finishing something that I have been pushing aside for so many years now. Clue on what that is: Those who know me too well, let’s just say that it is a living proof of how I really hate Math! And on top of these two challenging endeavors, I have raised the bar higher when it comes to my writing. If my writing is any good…I just might get paid in dollars.

And I am also thrilled that the “BER” month’s here! Well…what can I say? I’m a Christmas fanatic…

Which Super Villain am I?

2007-08-27T06:47:00.000+08:00

I am no troublemaker. I never started a fight. But I always, always stood up for what I believe in. I can't help but think as to whether I have become weaker and softer over the years. Not that I am looking for trouble... It's just that, I think the quiet life I am living right now is a bit boring. I want vigor and I miss being in a rat race.

I shared this with an old friend I hooked up with this weekend. She said, "I can still see that fervor in your eyes, the one that I've always known and seen in highschool. But now, I also see you as an epitome of serenity-hahaha...nakakakilabot! But don't worry, you'd still make a better villain than a bida."

Hmmm...Evil as she may sound, I took it as a compliment. And I also took this test just to gauge if I'd make a good kontrabida... The result? My friend was right. I guess, at any given day, I would pass as a " great villain"!

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

My results:
You are Apocalypse

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.

Being heartless to a heartless...

2007-08-21T07:23:00.000+08:00

Now that my internet connection at home is officially via DSL, and having Monday-a non-working holiday, I had the freedom to open most of my forwarded emails…Most of them are cute, inspiring, some were gross, informative and yes…how could I forget, I did get this nerve racking forwarded article by a self proclaimed trying hard fashionista…

Yeah, you might have read or heard about that article on the June 2007 issue of People Asia written by Malu Fernandez. I don’t know where all of her hatred comes from. I don’t know why a crappy article like this gets published. But if she could shamelessly write something like this, then it’s fair and just to speak my mind as well.

And she had the nerve to defend herself…instead of apologizing for belittling Filipino OFW’s, talagang nag justify pa ang bruha!

MALU FERNANDEZ’s response:
As I type this, I’d like you to know that it’s not about whining, complaining and bitching but just stating the facts. Just recently, I wrote a funny article in my magazine column and my friends thought it was hilarious. It was humorous and quite tongue-in-cheek, or at least I thought so, until the magazine got a few e-mails from people who didn’t get the meaning of my acerbic wit. The bottom line was just that I had offended the reader’s socioeconomic background. If any of these people actually read anything thicker then a magazine they would find it very funny. Most people don’t get the fact that they need bitches like me to shake up their world, otherwise their lives would be boring and mediocre. I obviously write for the a certain target audience and if what I write offends you, just stop reading.

Although it may sound elitist to you the fact is this country is built on the foundation of haves, have-nots and wannabes. One group will never get the culture of the other. Although I could mention that it is easier to understand someone who has a lower socioeconomic background that would entail a whole other page and frankly I don’t want to be someone to bridge the gap between socioeconomic classes. I leave that to the politicians in my family who believe they can actually help. Now I seriously ask you, am I being a diva or are people around me just lacking in common sense? Perhaps it’s a little of both!

***Now, my comments:

I wrote a funny article in my magazine column and my friends thought it was hilarious. - I am really hoping that you have very few friends...As they say, tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are...

people who didn’t get the meaning of my acerbic wit. - Acerbic wit my ass! Girl, you need a shrink period!

If any of these people actually read anything thicker then a magazine they would find it very funny. - You just can't stop insulting can you? Could this be your way of covering up for your own inhibitions and incapabilities?

they need bitches like me to shake up their world - Sweetie, puh-leez....may binabagayan ang salitang "bitch"...And for your info: Hindi bagay sa yo! Gaga!

just stop reading. - Kung ganito ang prinsipyo mo sa pagsusulat...don't even call yourself a writer.

sound elitist - Yes...hanggang sounding elitista ka na lang. Dahil a true-blood elitista would not be as ugly as you are...inside and out...

am I being a diva or are people around me just lacking in common sense? - Oh my gulay! Self service is really your thing! Ang choices mo talagang pampa angat ng sarili mo...unbelievable! Do you really want a common sense challenge? I'm sure a lot of intelligent people would join me in saying, "Bring it on..."

Now to sum it all up, I won't criticize you for being overweight…Gosh, sa dami na ng taong ininsulto mo, even the chubby community would not want to be connected with you in any way. I have been a person who looks on the positive side of everything…but with you Malu, I am really a having a hard time doing just that…

Remember your papansin comment: "Meanwhile, I wanted to slash my wrist at the thought of being trapped in a plane with all of them." Darling… that could be arranged…I’m sure that there will be a lot of volunteers who would gladly slash not only your wrist but your throat, your face and any part of you as well... And quite frankly, seeing that on the news one of these days would not make me shed a single tear for you...I guess I am heartless after all....

That Short Message Service (SMS)...

2007-08-06T11:42:00.000+08:00

I don’t normally post twice in one day…but I just couldn’t help blogging about this mysterious text I got just a few minutes ago…

The SMS message I got: Couldn’t fathom what I have just realized so I decided to send you this text: Ace is my life. Life is a bitch. Therefore Ace is a bitch. I guess I am just thinking aloud; loud enough for you to hear.

Well, some would actually be reacting violently upon reading a text message like this. And I have been tagged “violent” one way or another. Well this SMS didn’t budge even the slightest violent bone in my body. I am actually smiling until now. Could be because I’m flattered that this hot mama is actually breaking some hearts somewhere…

And for you who sent this message; Sweetie, I can only leave you this quote: >“All that is great cannot be possessed - and that is one of the most foolish things man goes on doing. We want to possess.”

DILEMMA...

2007-08-06T09:09:00.000+08:00

I used to look forward to weekends because it used to be days when I could sleep the day off or be a couch potato without feeling guilty. But lately…weekends are busier than my week days. I had to cancel and reschedule dinner invitations and KTV with friends to give way to some business transactions that needed a little more “pushing”. Well, these “transactions” would definitely fall under my ‘been-there-done-that’ category. And I know that I’ve sworn off business transactions of this nature like an old maid would've sworn off men…But I think that I would always find myself tangled up in business transactions like this, because “sales” is definitely in my blood.And yup, a lot of people know it too and they just keep on calling...

Actually, I am not complaining. It's just that, people in my life (especially who are directly affected by my soon-to-be hectic schedule), might go ranting and go on strike at any given day. And even for a believer of having choices like myself…I feel like I am running out of options. And although I could definitely say that I am wiser now than I was before, I couldn't help but think that I just might give up more than what I have bargained for…again.

There’s no excuse for excuses!

2007-07-26T12:21:00.000+08:00

I realize that sometimes there is a need to bend truths. I realize that sometimes it is appropriate to change the story a little in order not to hurt other’s feelings. Now, acknowledging this reality does not mean I agree in doing these things. Neither do I condemn those people who do. What I am getting at here is our internal truth. Our authenticity. Our core being. And mine was tested recently, and in the sleaziest way possible if I may add. And the details on that story had been around my house and office for quite sometime now so let’s not go into that anymore.

I could only share this much: The challenge that I braved was to free myself from a life of excuses, even if I was the “last man standing” and felt that I was sold for 30 pieces of silver coins. If someone promises something and does not follow through, then the individual who was counting on and put their faith in that person’s word learns mistrust. That lack of trust may extend beyond the person who broke the promise towards others as well. Following this logic, the health and structure of any relationship could be affected. I have been aware of this theory, but now, it is suffice to say that I have internalized the learning and every ounce of pain that goes with it.

Yup, there was pain. And I therefore conclude that, the lack of integrity is a double-edged sword. It cuts both the giver and the receiver. The giver of the promise will no longer be trusted and can no longer trade or work with the betrayed based on the strength of that person’s word. And the cost of a broken word is more than just the loss of trust; it includes the inflicting of deep hurt on the person who was misled, or simply put: the receiver. Both parties have lost. If the ripples of betrayal extend beyond the two people, many people can be affected. I was the receiver, and at one point I felt I had to get even. But I knew the solution. And that is to cultivate integrity.

I had what it seemed like a“total recall” of all the things that I have learned from the past, the lessons that’s part of my training modules: Step up if you have to. Hold yourself accountable to a higher standard if you need to. Do whatever it takes to eliminate ‘yeah but’ from your vocabulary. All of it I have applied without holding back. And it felt good that given the choice of putting the energy into the doing or putting the energy into the justification and rationalizing, doing the doing wins hands down every time. Bravo! I did just that! I am proud to say I have walked my talk.

Now, having mastered the art of not making excuses for ourselves or for others, the next level is to not accept excuses from anyone else. The challenge tomorrow is to free ourselves from the excuses of others.
Behaviour creates behaviour. If we ‘make allowances’ for others, they learn that allowances are made. If we hold others accountable, they learn to be accountable. If we do not accept excuses - others around us will stop offering them.

Now that’s one game I sure would want to win.

What a week!

2007-07-13T11:32:00.000+08:00

I could be my usual self who would go babbling about incidents: how it happened, when it happened...etcetera, etcetera. Oh well, allow me to be cryptic this time...

Wanna hear something ironic?

I have a certain someone very close to me whose ego so colossal that it had to be pulverized; and another close one who recently killed some of his/her brain cells by avarice, developed overnight, for what he/she thought was "supreme authority".

Sheesh!

Talk about handling people...

2007-07-04T13:15:00.000+08:00

In spite of not feeling very well yesterday, I had to sit down and listen to my colleague's report. Under normal circumstances, I would have reasoned out that I could really use some time to go home early and rest, but I guess I was too sick to even try. So after official office hours, I spared 45 minutes more at work.

The topic of the report was about "MISTAKES". The report was very simple but it perked up my interest so much that I had to ask a question which I'm sure everybody else in that room (myself included) already knew the answer. But for the sake of encouraging some audience participation, I still asked the question. And the question was: What's the difference between making someone aware of his mistakes and "fault-finding"? The question definitely got someone blow her fuse because next question included a very nasty remark ("stupidity" to be exact). It would have started something nasty too...who would want to labeled stupid?! Good thing there were other two lovely ladies who talked about "more appropriate" and "black and white".

After that, I couldn't help but think...with a person like that running the show, how would that produce "agile workers"?

Ants are a good example of agility at its best. This last weekend, in the midst of doing some gardening, I inadvertently trampled on a bustling ant colony. Initially, the ants scattered in all directions, but then regrouped and went about their business as if nothing happened. The adversity didn’t seem to phase them. At this point, I could only wish that the rest of my colleagues would be like ants.

My final message:
We can't give what we do not have.
If we dare hold someone accountable for the mistake, we need to remember the word "RESPONSIBILITY" (not stupidity).
Let's be responsible for we have to take ownership for causing the problem or for solving the problem.

This song rocks!

2007-06-28T05:53:00.000+08:00

The very first time I heard this song...I fell in love with it right away...Felt that it says a lot about me...

YOU KNOW THAT I'M NO GOOD

Meet you downstairs in the bar and heard
Your rolled up sleeves and your skull t-shirt
You say why did you do it with him today?
And sniff me out like I was tanqueray

Cause you're my fella, my guy
Hand me your stella and fly
By the time I'm out the door
You tear me down like roger moore

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was troubled
You know that I'm no good

Upstairs in bed, with my ex boy
He's in the place, but I cant get joy
Thinking of you in the final throws, this is when my buzzer goes

Run out to meet your chicks and bitter
You say when we're married cause youre not bitter
There'll be none of him no more
I cried for you on the kitchen floor

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was troubled
You know that I'm no good

Sweet reunion, jamaica and spain
Were like how we were again
I'm in the tub youre on the seat
Lick your lips as I soak my feet

Then you notice lickle carpet burn
My stomach drops and my guts churn
You shrug and it's the worst
To truly stuck the knife in first

I cheated myself like I knew I would
I told ya I was troubled, you know that I'm no good
I cheated myself, like I knew I would
I told ya I was troubled, yeah ya know that I'm no good

HAVAIANAS AND TEDDY BEARS…

2007-06-20T07:28:00.001+08:00

It’s mid-week. And in the middle of tons and tons of things to do…I was able to squeeze in fun time with my long time girlfriends last night. Well, nothing fancy (we are actually wise spenders) and nothing wild like the good old days, but I sure enjoyed every minute of it.

Had the chance to go malling last night, before the girls and I went drinking…again. We passed by a shop of teddy bears, and I got reminded of how much I loved them! I wanted to buy one for me but decided not to. I have never bought myself a teddy bear before. The last two teddy bears I had were given by two special guys. And so I guess I would just have to wait for someone to give me a new teddy bear. That, I think is what a teddy bear is for…an expression of care or maybe even love.

Anyway, my loving sister gave me a pair of slippers. When she handed it to me and I reached out to take it, I felt that she was hesitant. It was as if she wouldn’t want to let go….so I told her, “Parang ayaw mo ibigay ah.” And she replied, “Talagang ayaw ko kaso di kasya sa akin eh. Sayang 800 ko.” I let her word sink in…did she just say 800? How many pairs did she buy anyway? Maybe she knew what I was thinking because she said, “Yeah, those slippers are 800…they’re Havaianas. Don’t lecture me on buying expensive things… Just chill and enjoy it!” Now, who would complain? I’m now in the office and my feet are enjoying my new Havaianas! Now who says people will fight if they give each other footwear…With my Havaianas, I don’t think I will fight with my sister for a long time…

Ok b u?

2007-06-15T05:36:00.000+08:00

I have just been here and there... online I mean, and I came across this blog...I couldn't resist re-posting it here. Someone's got PMS! Hihihi... But hey, somehow it made sense... So inspite of the annoyed and irate author of the blog below...I gotta admit, It made me smile and got me awake this early friday morning:

I received a text from somebody. I
think it was just wrong sent coz the
number is not familiar. The text was
like, “Hi musta na poh u? D2 n me.
Nakuha n u b bag u d2 s house me? Xe
umalis poh me kaya d me alm kung
nakuha n u ung bag. Basta text u me
kung nagustuhan u para alm poh me. uu
nga poh pla,tom n lng tyo kta.”
My goodness, nakakaasar. Kung babasahin
mo ng malakas, gggrrr nakakairita.
Parang abnoy. Like hello, you could
use ako naman instead me and ikaw
instead n u. Tapos yung po na maikli
na nga, ginawa pang poh. Yung kasi
pwede namang kc or kse ginagawa pang
xe. At higit sa lahat, yung oo na 2-
letter word naman e ginagawa pang uu.
Ok sana if it’s real taglish e. Pero
hindi sya taglish parang
abonormalish. Maiintindihan sana kung
ang purpose mo e paikliin ang text
tutal that is how a text message
should be. Pero kung magpapaikli ka
ng word, at the right place sana. For
example yung ako, make it aq. Or
instead n ‘musta n u?’ make it ‘musta
kn?’. It’s simpler and shorter. Mas
mahaba p nga yung musta n u coz meron
pang 2 spaces. I’m a certified text
pioneer coz 1998 pa lang e may
cellphone na ako that’s why I know how
to shorten words. Pwera kayabangan
no, but I got a cellphone ng nag-boom
yang texting n yan. Ayun lang, quit
being a text stupid!

Is it just me? Or it really got hotter in the room? Talk about intense emotions...di naman kaya mainit ang ulo niya no? hihihi. But I gotta admit, I learned something here. Being good in any foreign language is an edge, no one can judge anyone for that. Most of us Filipinos are damn good at it.

I love English and I started studying Japanese. I myself...hmmm wait, let me say that in Tagalog; Ako mismo, nahihirapan ako sa wikang Filipino, whew! that was hard, but anyway, the point is, kahit mahirap, we can still love it...And today, I got reminded that we also have to respect our native tongue kahit sa pinaka simpleng bagay tulad ng pagti-text na parte ng buhay natin. But come to think of it, I also like texting "eat na u", "musta na u?"...you know stuff like that, but not to actually disgrace the Filipino language...nagpapa cute lang po...Now that's not such a crime right?

DARK SIDE

2007-06-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.

~Henry David Thoreau~

There could be millions of interpretations for this passage... but I could only speak for mine... I had been contemplating on surrendering to the alluring pathway of my "dark sides". And that's what I want to talk about now...

A very wise (and may I say, authoritative!) guy told me that my desire to succumb to the calling of my old bad ways is definitely pointless. I almost gave in to his convincing powers. But I know better... I had been denying a lot things for quite awhile now... It's time for the moment of truth...

Some people might judge me...the people who love me will definitely despise the actions... At this point in time, none of it all matters... Because I know what I need to do... I would need to lurk into the darkness... not to lose my whole being but to make myself aware and to acknowledge that like everybody else, I have a dark side...

Truth is... it is part of who I really am.

RUSH HOUR IN MAKATI...

2007-06-07T08:06:00.000+08:00

No predicament. I’m not even complaining… I am just about to share my personal experience yesterday:

Scorching heat of the sun…that could make even the skinniest person sweat like a pig!
Long walk…
Long seminar...
That elevator ride that gave me a headache (pa zigzag yata yung direction!)
Terrible…terrible traffic
Drizzle with matching humidity you couldn’t imagine…
Longer line in buying MRT ticket
ENDLESS line in bag inspection
Sweat and smell of hundreds of other people there…
Decision to let 2 trains pass in the hope that the next one will have lesser passengers…RESULT: 25 minutes of being idle
Got pushed to get inside the train with my face almost pressed on the glass (pambihira…di pa nga ako sasakay eh!)
10 minute ride, with nothing to hold on to during the three station stops
Squeezed my way out of the train (oh my gulay…dito na ako po ko bababa…)

Maybe for some, the things I mentioned are no longer unusual...
But one thing that really shocked me: I didn’t realize I could endure all that.. all in the name of platonic love.

Plum Alert

2007-06-06T12:12:00.000+08:00

So check this out…

busy day,
tons of work to do,
pinned down appointments,
cancelled meetings,
chit chat with friends,
short sweet nothings with boyfriend(s?),
unread text messages,
several missed calls,
coffee gone cold,
etc. etc.

In the midst of it all, I couldn’t help but realize that there are some certain people who are so twisted to find fulfillment in tormenting other people’s lives! The type who would do something remarkable (or so they think) and would just wait for somebody else to notice and make a comment…and then kaboom!

The endless bitching around begins…

All I could say is…I’m never gonna like the color plum ever again!

Freaky Friday...

2007-06-01T13:57:00.000+08:00

Friday….hmmm….my favorite day. Normally I will be jumping up and down all throughout the day even at the most ordinary Friday… But I guess not this particular one… I am physically and mentally drained today. I had to cancel out on some friends… cancel out cheering for my hubby in his billiard tournament… and I am practically hiding from my buddy asking me to go mall-ing! I am planning to work this day away!

This is not me!!! Some parts of me are literally screaming but I think this day (or should I say week) had been a DRAG. I mean, even blogging is sooooo hard to do. And so before I make a fool out myself and make the day freakier than it already is… I just might as well stop… as in RIGHT NOW.

From Paris with lots and lots of LOVE!

2007-05-30T10:27:00.001+08:00

Below is a message sent by a very close friend of mine. Weird as I am...Actually, what she emailed me could be very useful in Friendster...Di pala marunong mag friendster ang bruha...hihihi. And so, to show her my appreciation, today's blog will be dedicated to her.

She claimed she knows me too well... Come to think of it, in spite of the distance and time away from each other...I think she does...

===================

Hey Ace!

Been quite awhile and yup, I miss you big time! It's a zoo out here...the kids are driving me crazy...lesser time with Von...in times like these, I really wish I had a genie in a bottle and wish for you to live right next to me here in France. In spite of my fancy friends out here..it's only you who knows me and vice versa...

And so, to kill time I just scribbled some notes, specifically things I remember most about you and you know what? In less than an hour, I felt better...you always made me feel good. I'm sending you the notes I made of you, so that in times you feel lesser... I hope you know you are loved genuinely by someone somewhere around the globe...ME!

How do I remember ACE?

Intense (Can you just feel all the emotions you could feel when she's around? Whew!)

Strong-willed (Yup! Once she'd set her heart on something...unbelievable!)

Determined (Naku po...pag nagsalubong kilay niyan...nag iibang anyo! He-he)

Secretive (oh yeah...she knows all my secrets..pero ang secrets niya...ayun secret pa din...)

Meticulous (Naku, pag di niyo pa nakita o nakasama si Ace na nag complain about Customer Service...di kayo tunay na kaibigan niyan!)

Investigative (Magaling mag imbistiga....Mahirap imbestigahan!)

Curious (parang bata...lagi may tanong! The weirdest question she asked me...di daw ba mahirap mag harvest ng pinya kung hinuhukay pa sa ilalim ng lupa...Pinya...sa ilalim ng lupa? Hahaha...hanggang ngayon para akong lukaret sa kakatawa pag naaalala ko yun eh!)

Deep thinker (Madalas maingay...so if she's quiet...isip to the max yan! She's scary when she's quiet...)

Vindictive (yup...there's a lot of evil plotting going on inside her pretty head...but nothing to worry...panay sensual yung mga yun for sure!)

Jealous (naman...di magsasabing nagseselos yan...bubulagta na lang pinagseselosan niyan...hahaha)

Sullen (di ka pwedeng ma late pag kausap mo yan...pero napaka bagal kagayak! Daming seremonyas! But that's how she is...nobody can rush her...but she sure can rush you)

Bitter (She is definitely very very unpleasant pag kaaway mo... You won't be able to sleep at night talaga...believe me)

Sarcastic (she is capable of expressing her mind...100% positively and 100% negatively..so sa mga mahihina dibdib, mag yoga muna kayo bago niyo tanungin ng opinion niya yan...)

Bad tempered (did I say bad? I stand corrected...She is far more over than BAD! Her folks are thankful na naging babae siya eh...kung hindi malamang nasa bilangguan na yan...hahaha!)

What Ace Likes...

Being the boss (I don't think anyone would disagree on this...Ace na Ace yan...)

Intellectual conversation (yup! I can ask her anything under the sun...99 times out of 100 questions...may sagot siya...tama naman)

The occult (have you ever felt ang lakas ng radar niyan? as in parang may psychic powers!)

Research (yup...she is really mahadera in the most intelligent and elegant way)

Debates (hahaha...me nanalo na kaya sa yo Ace? Galing mo kaya mag brainwash no!)

Making others angry (actually...yung mga nagagalit sayo either insecured or naiinggit sa charm mo eh...kaw naman, asarin ba lalo?)

Secrets (yun lang...panay secrets ng iba ang alam mo...kelan ka kaya magsasabi ng secrets mo???)

What Ace Dislikes...

Being analyzed (kamusta na yung mga sumubok na aralin ka at nabigo? nasa mental pa ba? Hahahaha)

Personal questions (wag tanungin ng address or phone number yan...lalo di ibibigay...Hahaha...suplada!)

Know-it-all (madalang ma-intimidate pero asar sa mga, "wala yan sa lolo ko..." type of persons...walk out ang aabutin niyo)

Strangers (mabait at magalang sa strangers pero luluha ng bato ang susubok na pumick up jan...hahahaha...naalala mo Ace yung nagpanggap kang mag syota tayo kasi ayaw ka tantanan nung nakilala natin sa Starbucks? Kulang na lang halikan mo talaga ako nun eh...Hahaha..I can still picture the guy's face in my mind!)

Show-offs (nothing could impress this girl...kaya mahirap paandaran..kahit siguro hugutin ng manliligaw niyan ang eiffel tower at dalhin sa tapat ng bahay niyan kung di connected with her ng heart to heart...it will still not gonna be enough! But she is definitely the most appreciative person I know...super appreciative)

I hope you liked this. Pasensya na at parang minsan ikaw ang kausap ko at parang minsan may iba akong kausap...Lumilitaw na naman ulit yung imaginary friend ko...Hahaha... I just miss you so much. I like remembering you...parang andito kalang...Take care darling. I miss you.

lovelots,

Kikay

===========

Wow... imagine that...my fancy friend from Paris name's Kikay...hihihi.

Anyway, I kinda feel this article is "self service" on my part...but I can't think of any other way to show my friend that I appreciate her loving thoughts and words for me.

I am happy...

I am flattered...

And yes I want to fly all the way to Paris to hug my friend!

Cheers to you Kikay! And cheers to all beautiful friendships like this one!

WILL OUR ACTIONS ECHO ACROSS THE CENTURIES?

2007-05-29T12:00:00.000+08:00

There are so many days in my life that I’m really not proud of. At some point I find myself not regretting any of it but it will take a lifetime before I flaunt or even talk about it.

There are so many times that I got away with things some people won’t. And somehow, it got me to do a few more extra naughty deeds. But then, that moment of clarity will start to haunt me… It then makes me wonder and eventually makes me realize the importance of finding the answer to this question: Where am I heading at?

We live in a world of brokenness—broken lives, broken relationships, broken dreams. There is a world of hurt and division that yearns for hope and restoration. People long for that good news: a message of grace, of affirmation, and of acceptance. People also long for that extra genuine involvement that offers support, care, encouragement and maybe even love.

But truth of the matter is: we already have what we really need. We just have to look deeper and give MORE value to the loving touch of that person you promised to love for the rest of your life and the candid smile of those little angels who are able to love unconditionally…

And when we finally surrender to this truth…we would realize – there’s nothing more to ask for.

All that’s needed is to do what’s right and best that will make a difference for centuries to come….

Touching Base...

2007-05-28T07:08:00.000+08:00

So…check this out…after 15 long years I got to hook up with some special people from High school. Not that I am anticipating anything negative… but from what I have seen from the movies, from the stories people tell – HS Reunions are usually a drag! You know that kind of feeling that you can’t stand it anymore! But fortunately…I had experienced the opposite yesterday.

For starters, the venue of our meeting was cool…nothing fancy…just that good old house that fried chicken built…but the best part is sentro siya ng iba’t ibang lugar na pinanggalingan namin… When we saw each other, of course there were some distinct changes among us – mostly physically (di lang ako nag gain ng weight, hihihihi) but some things never change… late and grand entrance pa rin ang bestfriend ko… so the lunch get together turned to merienda / almost dinner…

Most of us brought our loved ones…I had my hubby tag along. He was his usual self – quiet and just observing. Sometimes making that comment that he’s beginning to figure out some pieces of the puzzle when it comes to my personality… I’m sure at some point he got bored but all in all, I’m sure he also loved those stories from our HS life he’d heard for the first time… I myself got surprised that I had been notorious din pala as early as first year HS! Akala ko mabait ako eh…and you should have seen how everyone protested when I made that comment! Whew! Talk about being brutally frank!

So anyway, that lunch get together with 5 attendees was definitely a history in the making and sure is a start of something to look forward to. I am just glad that I’m part of it…

Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect.

2007-05-25T13:52:00.000+08:00

These were the exact words of a very close friend of mine who complained but still pull the message through that I am loved…

Hmmm... I can’t agree or disagree… I mean, everyone’s entitled to their own opinion… Basta for me, the best part is I know someone very important to me loves me too. There’s a part of me that wants to share the juicy details of everything that happened but being the Scorpio that I am… I opted not to…hihihi

BOTTOMLINE: Never be afraid to be who you are…no matter how crazy you could get…You’ll be surprised that someone you never expected could love you for real. I love D!

COLOR TEST

2007-05-23T05:47:00.000+08:00

Ace, your true color is Orange!
You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

This was the result of a color test I took awhile ago... Hmmm...now I know why I look absolutely gorgeous in orange! Hihihi...

Anyways, I said I would blog as often as I possibly can and I think that this one's worth blogging...

And if you want to have fun like I did... take this color test at: http://web.tickle.com/color/

Enjoy!

Back from hibernating...

2007-05-09T08:36:00.000+08:00

I am in front of a computer not less than 16 hours a day but it seems I can only make an entry when I can sneak precious time from work, which by the way is close to zero chance if there’s a chance at all! Hihihi. I've been desperately trying to blog as much as possible.

Work has been amazing and I don't really have the time to go into it now, but I will later. Something has definitely changed regarding my entire perception of my career and where I want it to go. My not having access to my computer at home has totally changed the way I've been writing lately. I thought at first that I just wouldn't write if I couldn't do it on the computer, but I found that I must write, no matter how...even if it means that I'm writing longhand in a notebook with a pen. This basic function has reinforced in me that I am indeed a writer. I may not be a published author and may never be published, but I am a writer. I have just NOW, this week, fully appreciated the enormity of this very simple idea.
Life continues to be horrendous at times. But I've got my eye on the prize and while I'm on the path to reaching it, I've discovered that if I just slow down and see what lies along the pathway, I've learned to enjoy the journey as well. Life is just good right now… And speaking of life, apart from being a self renowned writer, I am a life coach. I’m betting all my fancy earring collections that I have indeed raised dozens of eye brows here and there. But I got two words for you dudes and dudettes…SO WHAT? This should sound great - but for most of us it's going to sound bleak.

LIFE… Because we “know” all that stuff - in theory, at least. Yet that isn't the way our real lives are unfolding for us. We may be in the wrong job, or the wrong career. We may live in a house we hate, in a city we hate, on a continent with the wrong climate. We may drive the wrong car, live with the wrong partner, live under the wrong haircut, and in the wrong shaped body. AND IT'S ALL WEARING A BIT THIN!
The fact is that most of us exert poor control over the events in our lives. We complain, but we don't seem able to grab the wheel and to steer ourselves in new directions. As we grow older, we see the dreams fade. Some will smile as they look back at the simple optimism and ideals of our youth. Others will be a whole lot less philosophical about our decline. And in all these dilemmas…I still got two words for you guys… WHAT NOW?

Contemplate on it and ACT!

I am a changed woman...

2007-02-05T18:28:00.000+08:00

Yes folks! You heard it right and I'm shouting it to the whole world once again...I am a changed woman!!!

Man...that feels sooo good. I have been meaning to do that "shout my heart out" drill as early as 5:00 this morning. Yup, this had been a challenging Monday at work. Aside from the fact that I had a restless Sunday night and did not get a good night sleep, I lost some valuable files at work - courtesy of the "supposedly" upgrading chuvanes. Apparently, all it did to me was downgrade my work system. All day long, I had been mind boggling for the causes, reasons...you name it, asking why this had happened. And I'm not washing my hands clean when I say that there had been no negligence on my part. I did what I was instructed to do and even did that extra mile for my job to be effective and efficient.And you could just imagine the shock that I got when I discovered that all of my month's work (or should I say life's work)was simply deleted by people who wouldn't even budge to explain or bother to acknowledge their mistakes that badly affected other people's work!

I have run it over and over in my mind - how I would pour out my sentiments, and may I say that if it was a movie, it would have been rated PG18 because there will be some violence! My ears had been beet red all day and my face had a mind of its own expressing the violence that it suppresses - it even intimidated one tough guy but I was far beyond intimidating him. If he raised his voice even to a half note, ay naku ewan ko lang talaga. I knew that i had fierce stare - the kind that would rip right through one's skin. And I felt like a lion prepared to pounce its prey at any given time... I waited and waited. Waited for the right time to confront the culprit on why I lost my precious files... Seconds became minutes, and minutes became an hour. I felt a different surge of strength within me, the kind that I'm not familiar with. And when I took some deep breaths, I felt cool and there was an unexplainable boost of energy. There was a part of me fighting that certain calmness that I was feeling, scolding myself that I was surrendering to being a coward. But I knew that I need not prove my courage. I had to do the right thing.

And so I did. I kept calm but I definitely sent my message through - I don't like deep seated resentment. And eventhough my actions were discreet and very quiet - it made a great impact that the concerned party couldn't stand it and had to leave the office. I even had that funny thought that the person could not believe it and would get a 50 feet distance restraining order from me, afraid that I'm just up to something.

And though tired and faced with repairing jobs to be done... I can't help but smile. I am no longer that person who succumbs to anger or violence when things go wrong.

I am a changed woman. Cheers to that!

Slowly but surely

2007-02-04T15:23:00.000+08:00

I have been engrossed in organizing my schedule for the coming days and updating my financial obligations. Before, i wouldn't budge or worry about things like this. I married a very responsible guy and I have somewhat been complacent for quite sometime now. But I guess being 30 brings people to their higher intelligence, oh and my being malakas ang loob helped in a good way. Last year, in the midst of my rebellion and struggle in life, I committed myself to investing in life insurance and memorial lot(at least di ba, may lupa na ako hihihi) I was earning more then, but spending so much also. And though I was half hearted, I plunged in.

And now a few months after, I have realized that it was one of the best decisions I made in my life. It's not easy, my job right now does not pay much compared to what I was getting when I was still in Sales and Marketing. But I'm definitely wiser now and more disciplined in handling my finances. On top of all these, I got to schedule how to settle my previous debts and I'm excited that by the end of 2007, I'm already debt free!

I am happy that I see clearly how the Lord works in my life. Slowly but surely.

MOA

2007-01-27T09:07:00.000+08:00

I woke up early in spite of a late night last night. It is somewhat unusual because I am a type of person who can sleep for ages (Sleeping Beauty syndrome, ahem)! I wondered if this was because of my new work schedule, which happens to be as early as 4AM daily. Or I'm just getting older(hihihi). Oh well, maybe I still got a hangover from a wonderful night.

Now...I just want to say that the Mall of Asia is really amazing! The trip on the way there was worth it(Give me a break! I live in the suburbs :-]). To think that I almost cancelled my appointment there, birthday pa naman nung kausap ko... So while waiting for my good friend, I got to see the fireworks, which was better than Enchanted Kingdom (i still love EK though). I even caught some good videos on my phone and I felt good watching it. It got me to thinking that in spite of the ugly things happening in the country, we Filipinos sure know how to smile our problems off.

Hay basta...I love love love the Mall of Asia! Bummer I don't have pictures to show, but guys this is an opportunity for you to check MOA out...You'll love it too.

CELEBRATE LIFE

2007-01-21T19:38:00.000+08:00

In my NGO’s reorganization a few months back, the Founding Chairman and the National Chairman took the risk of starting over again. Of course it cannot be denied that it is a painstaking process of rebuilding new task forces and training its designated chairperson. Nevertheless, these two gentle men saw the bigger picture…the organization had to be roughed up so it could grow up.

Roughed up to grow up

I remember so well, what a beloved Bishop friend had said in one of our meetings, “God allows us to experience hard knocks so we can all become mature believers.” Simple words but definitely leaves a great impact. Life’s bruises can mark the beginning of spiritual advances. Some may prefer to remain seeds, but we were bound to become fruitful trees.

This is so true especially in my personal life. I have been putting off a lot of commitments and responsibilities basically thinking that “I am not yet ready”…I am still but a seed…And boy had I been wrong! Apart from the many things that I tend to forget (pardon me but I have already undergone 3 operations with general anesthesia), I also forgot that I am already 31 years old. Meaning, people expect that I: should have started; should be in the middle of; and should have finished some projects. It does make some sense and so after realizing that I am a little behind schedule…I asked for God’s guidance for the path He wants me to take and heaven sure did not waste any more time! I suddenly found myself a very active member of one of the country’s prestigious NGO, a Deacon of a US based church branching out in the Philippines and yup, I am back in teaching English to Korean students (online this time). Of course I am still a wife to my amazing husband. On top of all these, I have compiled all of my learning, and I am conducting L.I.F.E. (Leadership & Individualism as Foundations for Excellence) seminar.

Now, I may have compiled the modules for LIFE but the seminar is not mine to claim. I have been through that hellish tug-of-war like process in claiming “who-owns-what-module”, up to the point of getting legal advice and almost spending money to have it patented. Good thing God brought me back to my GOOD senses and I realized it doesn’t work that way. And the truth is…IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER. Seminars like L.I.F.E. is not about who gets the credit.

This is what really matters:

L.I.F.E. is for our brethren committed to community service who believe in the value of LOVE and voluntary work.

L.I.F.E. is for those who still believe in the possibilities in the Philippines.

For those who still manage to give others smiles in the middle of traffic jam;
For my co-choir members who don’t miss a single Sunday mass and sing off tune for the Lord;
For the street children who frolics in the flooded area of Bicol;
For that guy with Down syndrome who gave his seat to an old lady in the MRT;
For that cancer patient who sat with me to watch the sunrise in the parking lot of Ospital ng Makati;
And for all Filipinos who fear the Lord and live life to the fullest.
Thank you.
You are all a constant reminder from day in to day out for the so many reasons to celebrate LIFE!

COOL CHANGE...

2007-01-16T17:28:00.000+08:00

I just bought myself two pairs of gorgeous sandals. The said sandals absolutely do justice to my "ordinary feet". I mean they do a total make over! But there's a cliche: I am not so comfortable in wearing them. It's not because the fabric and the leather hurt my feet...I'm just not used to these things(Yes, i heard you...Why buy it then right?). Well, I love fitting and purchasing them (most of the time on impulse), but actually wearing them is a different story.

My dilemma just boils down to one thing: CHANGE

Hmmm...Come to think of it, I have been battling over transition and change for the past couple of weeks. The good news??? I won the battle. During turbulence, running away is the most cruel thing we could do to people who trust us. Story of my life...but not anymore. I finally proved that this girl has grown into a responsible woman.

Now...not only do I get people to listen to what I have to say; I am definitely God's message of love, power and trust!

Happy Monday...

2007-01-08T19:36:00.000+08:00

I don’t usually hate Mondays, but today just feels like I have every right to complain. I had a goodnight sleep and woke up at the right side of the bed. I did my usual routine in preparing for work; I’m not even grouchy at 3:30AM. I wore red shirt with matching red watch and red rubber shoes. I have been a believer of wearing red on the first day of the week. It is supposed to bring good feng shui but I guess it wears off sometimes. Everything was just fine, no traffic jam or any problems on my way to work. I even had a brief morning walk and talk with my husband. When I got to the office, my boss called me and gave me the gory details of my students’ feedbacks. To sum it up, the Koreans (who by the way could not even construct complete English sentences) were complaining about me not having an American accent! The bitchy part of me was actually screaming, “The nerve of these people”. But I’m very proud to say that though struggling, I have changed. Not the goody two shoes type of gal, I’m finally learning the craft of looking into others’ perspective of things… So what I did: I just let my boss talk while I was mentally taking notes of the points I could improve in my teaching techniques. And though my pride was somewhat bruised, I know my capabilities and I definitely know that my English rocks! Yeah!!!!

CHEERS TO THE YEAR THAT WAS....

2007-01-01T17:33:00.000+08:00

It’s been quite awhile and I’m slipping off a lot of things…again.
Good thing that I am always a good starter. I have started a lot in 2006.
Come 2007, I intend to finish it, or better put: see some SPLENDID results!

So, as everyone was counting down till January 2007, I would like to
share with you my “count back" to the year that was.

January 2006
Was staying with some friends, I wanted to start things right so I
started hunting for my own apartment…yup, I was still in a rebellious state of
being at that time.

February 2006
I found my dream (or so I thought) apartment and agreed to move in with
some friends (or so I thought again).

March 2006
I got myself a good job plus a company car I had to share with some
colleagues. Best part: I got to drive it all the time!

April 2006
Missed our tradition family summer outing and went somewhere else with
people who insisted that they are my “new family". After 4 hours of being with them, they literally left me hanging and hungry! I comforted myself and visited a nearby parlor, bought 8 pairs of shoes from the nearby tiangge(yup, everthing was almost nearby) and have been out for the whole day, they didn’t even notice! Some family huh?!

May 2006
Got myself engaged in the worst fight ever! I was hurt. I hurt back. I
found myself struggling from nostalgia...

June 2006
Cured my nostalgia: The prodigal wife returned.

July 2006
I suffered severely from sleepless nights. Got hooked up with a
“cult"(figuratively speaking), and spent so much time in knocking
ourselves up in plotting evil against EXes and former friends. At one point we even ended up singing - Fixing a broken heart…eeeewwwww!!!!!

August 2006
I got wiser. I expelled myself from the “cult?" Was blessed to meet new set of friends:
Church Leaders and NGO officers. Spent so much time with them. Got
myself some responsibilities that took my mind away from pain, bitterness and
rebellion. Helped someone whom I thought was helpless and ready to go
with me in moving forward...

September 2006
Realized that helping is not always good. I ended up being the villain
and couldn’t even put up a good fight in defending myself. Though relatively hard, I stood up to my commitment to believe that the truth shall set me free, no matter what.

October 2006
And I got free! I came back to who I was: the woman whom nothing and no
one can break…but this time in a good and positive way...

November 2006
I got a year older. Went to Singapore and got to appreciate the things
I have in my life.

December 2006
Some things never change or so they say? I am almost a deacon now but
to some I will always be that b*t**h who spoiled their fun.
That’s just how it is: We can never please everybody.

I ended 2006 doing what I love most and where I'm best at: TEACHING. Oh,
and yeah I still got that dark side too: I think I mentally disowned 2
relatives! I wonder if 2007 will make me adopt them again?

And so, 2006 had been very colorful and meaningful. Now it's 2007, I intend to continue
enjoying my journey to this road so called LIFE.

THE ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION:

2006-12-23T08:36:00.000+08:00

Love is the answer to every question.
Why are we here? Love.
Where do we come from? Love.
How do we create world peace? Love.

It may sound overly simplistic to the modern human being, since we are
want to analyze and look for complex answers to questions. We don't believe that life is simple and the answers to its problems can also be simple: love.

In truth, anger, sadness, pain: they are the soul's desire for love.

If we learn to love ourselves without reservation, and to love the
world in the same way, the answer is simple. It is impossible, when filled with
love, to be aggressive or hate-filled or violent.

When we know that we are beautiful and wonderful, we see the world
through those eyes. We see the beauty and wonder in all things around us.

We don't need to look outside ourselves for the love we seek. It has
been there all along. It is the voice of our self-esteem. It is our anger
saying, "Hey this is not right for me. I don't want this in my life any
longer."

Self-love (oh and yes, i can now say "self" without bitterness)is saying no to abuse and betrayal. It is wanting the very best for yourself, and accepting only that, in your life. It is healing the wounds that we have carried all this time.

Self-love is walking away from those who mistreat us, knowing that we
deserve better. It is taking the risk to pursue the career that will
bring us joy. It is listening to our own inner voice; the one that will
always guide us to what is best. It is trusting in ourselves completely.

Self-love is following that little voice within that says, "Oh I want
to do that today." Sometimes it means ignoring the voice of 'shoulds' and
'have-to'. It is believing that, when you seek what we desire and fill
ourselves with joy, we will also be spreading that joy to those around
us.

Love will fill us up so we will know there is nothing missing in our
lives.

Love will lead us to every answer.

LOYALTY TO THE ABSENT...

2006-12-18T21:56:00.001+08:00

Yes folks...my message for today is loud and crystal clear.

Let me say it again: Loyalty to the absent.

I don't know about you guys, but I practically grew up with (and thank God, OUTGREW) family reunions wherein talking about the lives of the "absent" (meaning yung mga di nakarating sa occasion). You know the types of conversation that are full of all the juicy details, and most of the times unconfirmed ones (that makes it juicier for some). Some people enjoy it so much too! Like it's part of the menu or party favors. At first, it felt like a "normal" thing to do in family gatherings. As for me, for so long, it seemed pretty harmless. You know agreeing and giving uncountable "oo nga" that made me sound like a cow. And I got into a lot of trouble many times to be quoted as the one who said the comments to which nag "oo nga" lang naman ako! Phew! I knew right then that somewhere along the way, I must have done something inappropriate.

I was once advised to stop talking about people who are not around. The advice was simple and it made sense. Now, when I took that advice from a very wise man (wise talaga... married a goddess like me eh..hehe), everything went well. I still enjoyed our family gatherings eventhough I have not been engaging to that "bad habit" that I used to have.

So, as we anticipate so many gatherings this Yuletide season, please keep in mind to just enjoy every single moment with our loved ones. Every occasion with our family is history in the making.

Take my unsolicited advice:
Be generous in giving sincere compliments.
And yup, be loyal to that relative who didn't make it to the occasion.

Cheers!

New found LOVE:

2006-12-17T17:05:00.000+08:00

Is it just me or have you guys experienced being so mad, as in fuming mad...then suddenly all of your bad feelings melted away with one simple smile? Yes folks, I'm in love! Madly in love... yung tipong parang gusto mo lagi makita...you will do crazy things such as making funny faces just for a smile.... That's exactly how I feel for the newest member of the family: Tyrese Margaux Randrup Samonte.

So, enjoy the pics folks. I'm sure you will fall madly in love just as I did!!!

13

2006-12-13T17:20:00.000+08:00

Got home earlier than usual. I immediately turned on my laptop and opened a blank word document. I knew I wanted to write something for my blog. I checked out the date. Today is December 13, 2006. I had typewritten the number 13, stood up from my working table…glimpsed at it once more, walked around our little living room; if I smoked, I knew I would have lighted up a cigarette to ease down all the emotions that number had caused to pile up.

As usual, I took some deep breaths as I gathered up courage and strength to continue my intention to write a new blog. And yup, I have decided to settle for “13” as my blog title for today.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this number…I have to, I was born on November 13. But part of me still got that urge to succumb to those deep seated resentment I have for some bad 13th day events (yup, it includes that certain person whose identity is related to 13).

I have had no trouble flaunting 13 as my favorite number; I have it on my several shirts, and I own that number in the entire sports events I was involved with in the past. I have had no trouble saying “thirteen”, “labing tatlo” or “trese” in the past. Gosh, you should have seen me wince just saying that last word. I’m all alone in the house but I actually whispered, afraid that saying it may bring back dark omen.

I have not been superficial in saying all this time that I have moved on; I have and I have gone a long way… However, come to think of it, once in my life, I have made an unwise major decision. And it WAS a very BAD experience. It had left really ugly marks; the kind that would take a long time to heal.

Nevertheless, since I am a believer of possibilities, on this 13th day of December, I will have to reverse the curse…hehe.

In 2005, I celebrated the 13th of every month for the most obscure reason and was oblivious to sanity…

After a grave breach of trust issues, for the past 6 months, I have profusely denied acknowledging the 13th day of the month (my birthday included).

Therefore, before the year 2006 ends, I am stopping all these craziness! From now on, I will celebrate every 13th day of the month in thanksgiving for more than the thirteen blessings I have received.

Today is a brand new day for me and for all the 13’s that is to come.

So what is my favorite number?

I will answer it in my native language… “trese”, and I’m actually smiling when I said it this time…

The World's Most Significant Problem Today....

2006-12-12T09:40:00.000+08:00

I was simply going through another assessment exam and one of the questions made a great impact. It made me search my heart. And I felt that I really had a say on this... I gave it a short thought in the assessment exam and gave my answer. But even after I finished the exam, I have been thinking about the question.

With all the problems in our world, what is the "SIGNIFICANT" one?

Im not saying that the other problems are not significant, but there is a great feeling in my heart right now that I know, being so far apart from God (i'm speaking not only of distance)is one of the many reasons why a lot of things in this world falls apart. Everything in our our world today is so fast paced; supposedly making our chores and activities easier, but truth is, these "instant", "just a click away", "no hassles, no worries" thingys are actually taking so much of our time...time for our families, time for our friends, time for ourselves, time for the Lord.

But instead of talking about the significant problem. I would just leave a simple thought:

Every day is a busy day with so much to do, so much to accomplish; And like me I know that most of you guys out there want to start early everyday so to finish more than enough at the end of the day...But let me share with you a little secret: TAKE A BREATHER; and my breather is a little prayer. With every inhale, I say a simple thanksgiving and as I exhale, I let go of that little thing that I had to do, you know those things that just leaves you restless... You'd be amazed to realize that most of those things aren't that important after all.

Quote for everyday:

"There is so much to do that I must start each day with a prayer..."

TIME MACHINES...

2006-12-08T07:32:00.000+08:00

I received a good book from the first Christmas party I attended this year... While waiting for series of interviews (yup, i'm trying my luck in the IT world!), I got the chance to start reading it. Lo and behold, the contents of the book is exactly the same with the things I have been contemplating lately...I'm really starting to believe that the person who gave me this is pychic!

Anyway, let me share with you some liners that left me a great impact:

*** YOU CAN'T GO BACK - Hmmm, I know that it's not just me who has got these "if only's" dilemma. Million times I have secretly wished that there is really such a thing as time machine. I would really be, suffice to say, a very FREQUENT FLYER. I'm actually mentally listing at this very moment my itinerary; go back to when I was in elementary and agree to have my braces on; enroll in a COED school in highschool instead of an exclusive school for girls; go back to my selecting boyfriends stage and CHOOSE WISELY this time or if that's not possible then i would settle for the bad break ups situation and just leave them a double black eye instead; invest in Petron or Caltex stocks when I started working at 16... that and a lot more. But we all know better. At this point in time, TIME MACHINES only happen in the movies. There is nothing we could do in the past but we do have a major say for today which brings me to the second liner:

*** WE MAKE OUR DECISIONS, AND THEN OUR DECISIONS TURN AROUND AND MAKE US - come to think of it, this I can bet my life on, is true! So many times in my life that I would jump into a lot of situation wherein I wouldn't even give it a second thought, believing that it's just a simple thing. I could write down thousands of those times but I know you guys get my drift.

Each of us made thousands of decisions, many of which may even seem trivial at that time. But taken all together, those decisions have made us exactly who we are today. I am quite proud of who I am right now.

So who needs a time machine? Hehe...did i just got turned around? Don't get me wrong, I still want one but I also know I don't need it. Right now, I'm fine with 24/7 round the clock thing.

Up for the challenge...

2006-12-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered why at some point in our lives, when all things work together for good, we would later find ourselves tangled up with a lot of mess?

Have you ever felt uncomfortable because everything in your life seem perfect?

I have.

Beautiful things have been happening in my life, opportunities are overwhelming, I have more than I need in my life... Yet these things have kept me awake at night, battling with the thought that I didn't deserve the things I was getting. I got wrapped up with worries and inhibitions which I know I have inflicted on myself. And for no apparent reason, I was down with blues (so to speak)!!!

But LOVE, as always, is bigger than any of my worries. Blessings kept on pouring in!!! A part of me wanted to squirm with insecurity (again!) and I literally had to scold myself in front of the mirror, "Take it! Take it!" (reminded me of the Metro Manila Film Fest Scam, hehe). I got nothing to be guilty of the blessings I was receiving!

And so I did...

This is picture is proof of the recognition I received from Blessed Philippines Worldwide Movement. Together with the prominent bishops and USec Jossie Dominguez. They have contrbuted to make this world a better place. And yup, I contributed something good to our world too!

Praise God for that. And praise God more because I know I'm up for more challenges...

Effective techniques??? Yup! I would say so...

2006-12-05T09:09:00.000+08:00

Just want to share this suppossedly "Stress Free" Daily Routine... I am applying some of the techniques at this very moment. ;-)

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although 1 is often not enough, 2 are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live w/in your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K..M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to CD's while driving that may improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people do the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you're not the gen. manager of the universe
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

Typhoon in December...

2006-12-04T22:12:00.000+08:00

I gave it a long thought as to whether to make this post or not... In my recent post I have mentioned that Christmas is just around the corner, it is. But somehow our faith is tested. In the previous years, at this time of the year, there had been no storm, not even "ambon". But with so much abuse on Mother Nature, I don't think occurence like this shocks anybody anymore.

December 2006 in the Philippines was welcomed by the very strong typhoon "Durian" locally known as "Reming". To be honest, when I overheard that there was no work and school last thursday, I just thought that December 1 was a declared holiday following the November 30 Bonifacio Day. I mentally listed all the things that I could do since there will be lesser crowd and traffic and so I did. I was totally unaware of the destruction that happened in Bicol and what could have happened in Manila.

When I saw the pictures that was sent to me via email, I have realized how inconsiderate I have gotten just beacause I have been busy...

LESSON LEARNED: It does not hurt to know what's happening around us no matter how busy we all seem to be.

I'm just so happy that eventhough I have missed praying for this one, I'm pretty sure that a lot of people prayed for the country to overcome this trial...

THAT ROLLER COASTER RIDE...

2006-12-01T17:18:00.000+08:00

I was just killing time all day... i'm not used to not doing anything and staying in the house. I tried catching up to my reading but i just wasn't in the mood which brings me to google in my laptop and encountered a lot of old pictures...
It's amazing how pictures could really bring back old feelings... I could swear that I have had palpitations and series of "deep breaths". Familiar faces, those contagious smiles, it felt as if it was just this morning that all of those pictures were taken. Im not usually emotional, but this time I succumb to all of these varieties of emotions I was feeling all at the same time. There is even that one face in the pic above that nearly brought me to tears because the feeling of forgiving and forgetting is now greater than the traumatic events we have encountered with each other. . I can't help but wonder, is it just me or is this how everybody feels the spirit of Christmas now that it's just around the corner?

I felt very blessed for all the wonderful people who have touched my life in different ways. And though i got to recall some bad times too, LOVE is indeed eminent and i can't help but whisper thanksgiving prayers for each and everyone of them.

Just another day..yeah right!

2006-11-28T14:44:00.000+08:00

I have just been reminded that people, no matter how happy or capable they are, no matter how many times they insist their birthdays are just "another day". Deep inside, they long to be greeted and to feel special...

Hmmm...Imagine that...My loving hubby, at 42 still appreciated that corny birthday song and my cheap poorly wrapped gift...

Gotta get plugged...

2006-11-26T19:09:00.000+08:00

Ok...so i just might sound weird or even malicious to some. i just used this title because it is my battle cry for the week. I just found out that the reason why i have been having the blues lately is that i have been disconnected to my job, to my co workers and a lot of things... And so like any electrical aplliance at home, when unplugged is useless. Just going out last night and this afternoon was an overwhelming experience... Gained new friends, got in touch with old ones and yup, Im up to a lot of work and activities...

Temporarily insane???

2006-11-25T12:04:00.000+08:00

I practically dragged myself out of bed at 11am this morning. At the back of my mind a little voice is screaming, “This is how lazy you really are!” Another voice is reasoning out that I needed some bonding time with my husband… and this is how I have been lately, I’m quiet outside but my brain’s got lots and lots of arguing voices inside. I have been so focused with all of these non-sense that I practically missed one important event in my life…I have missed accepting my Ambassador for Peace Award. My heart ached when I got the text message: “You were awarded Ambassador for Peace and you missed the occasion, but hey, you deserve it!” But it pained me more that I again have made the wrong choice this morning. And I am contemplating: Have I been resisting a lot of good things that’s been given to me or have I just been realistic to know that I don’t deserve it? I am definitely sad right now, because I know that for missing this one major event, I have disappointed a lot of people who believed in me… and it just dawned on me…”Do I believe in me?” I’m smiling right now, somehow I guess I do…and the good voice in my head is telling me, “It’s just a phase, just bear with it for awhile”. And guess what? Even the pessimist voice smugly agrees…

Unorganized...

2006-11-24T09:05:00.000+08:00

I have overly indulged these past week specifically yesterday, i just watched Sex and the City DVD from day in to day out. In my heart i knew that i was running away from a lot of things which are not that scary anyway. And then it dawned to me that even after a splendid vacation, my brain is still full of unorganized thoughts thus resulting to unorganized activities. Hmm... come to think of it, instead of writing it all down in this blog, i would need to park my pen (figuratively speaking) and start getting some things done! Gotta go.

BACK TO BASICS (B2B)

2006-11-21T09:59:00.000+08:00

Yup...the writer in me got awakened... Ok, not the Shakespeare type who will get the Best-Seller award for a book or something, I mean, not yet... I am just so happy to be inspired by my cousin, who in spite of the demand of her work still manages to write her heart out. Plus, there are so many things running inside my head that i think i should write down so i will remember that i had once thought about it...hmm, i'm sure that made sense somehow.

I also got some good experiences in writing things down like what i want on what date, both simple and complicated goals, my desired weight by what month....Come to think of it, I GOT EVERYTHING I HAVE WRITTEN DOWN. But then i got lazy and was totally complacent over a lot of things... So here I am at 140 lbs, splurging loaned money in Singapore (did I mention i just got my financial management certificate last week?!), oh and i recently invested hard earned money over a business in which i have no plans yet... WHEW!

Typing just that made me take a long deep breath!!! And i know that if i don't put my actions all together, i'm going to the dogs... So, simple as it may sound, THIS LADY's going BACK TO BASICS... And this Blog is the first step. I know that if I COMMIT to posting daily starting today, then I AM COMMITTED to all the things ahead...

Now, what are my "BACK TO BASICS" things??? Of course, im going to start with the simple ones:

I am posting daily on this blog to unload and reload my thoughts

I am waking up at no later than 7 AM daily so I have prayer and devotional time

I am writing down my food in-take and post in on my fridge so I can wear 2 piece
swimsuit by summer 2007

I am doing 10 phonecalls to friends/relatives and 30 cold calls so I can personally sell
20 packs of my Home-made corn coffee everyday

I am logging my business phone calls and daily sales in my notebook so i know what
Marketing strategies to do in 2007

Simple as it may look, im getting few palpitations right now because I know it will be very challenging...Not that I cannot do it, somehow KNOWING that I CAN actually DO IT makes me lazy leaving me doing nothing at all... I have been asking why... But now I know that I have been contemplating on the WRONG "WHY" QUESTION... The question is WHO...And i know WHO's stopping me from getting the things that are meant for me... There is an urge inside me to say that it has been me all along, BUT IT AINT ME...

It is SATAN, and since im talking about B2B, I'll end this as simple as possible, I aint working for SATAN no more!!! So you guys who have had a glimpse of this blog of mine, let me know if you find me slipping from the above written commitment... Give me some loving kick in the butt if you must, I would gladly appreciate everything...

ACE SISON
+639159764453
+639182412889

crsison@gmail.com