TO ERR IS HUMAN

I could only think of one word. FOCUS. But so far it doesn't seem to do its magic this time. To be more specific, I can't hide how disappointed I am with someone who told me that he needs to focus, and for him to achieve that, I would need to play the evil bitch. I would be the villain in his story. Every inch of me resent that. But it's his movie, I don't even get to see what's gonna happen next. I was just tagged as the wicked one as he shuts down everything on me. No explanations. No nothing. And this is the same friend who talked about having high regards for me. Who respected me since who knows when. And it's annoyingly funny that when he couldn't talk his way out of a minor misunderstanding, he just pulled someone nearby to take the bullet for him. I happen to be nearby. Don't get me wrong. This wimp is a friend and I would gladly take the bullet for my friends or maybe even for people who can't protect themselves. But what's hard for me to fathom is to let my friends lie for me. More so just to save my butt. Honesty may not always be the best policy for some. But it is my policy. I could be many things but there are certain things that I hold sacred and non-negotiable.

It's been a while. And I blog only when there's something of value to share or when I need an outlet. But for this blog, Im not sure. It's been some time now that I would wake up in the middle of the night...no nightmares, no bad dreams, heck not even peeing. I just automatically open my eyes. And then I start thinking about things, causing me to go into a tailspin, right into unhappiness. And no matter how many seminars I have facilitated about making better choices, I still find myself asking if the outer circumstances dictate how we are to feel. I get frustrated too, that sometimes I would tell myself that the outer seems real enough. So real that it bites and sometimes gives me a whack on the face. It is a struggle to pushback that thought and hold on to the truth that what created that outer is our inner. I am strong inside out. I am certain that consciousness is cause. I am aware as I am human at the same time. That's what I am dealing with right now...that tendency to just surrender to making mistakes because I'm human.